BDSM for Beginners
Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground. ~ Rumi
BDSM for Beginners
BDSM is one of my favorite types of play, but to those outside the community, it can seem scary, overwhelming, and dangerous. When done right, though, it’s one of the most pleasurable, safe, and enlightening ways to experience your sensuality. Here’s what it is - and how to try it out safely and successfully…
So, what is BDSM - actually?
BDSM is an acronym that describes three different practices, usually in the sexual arena. Some folks refer to BDSM and KINK interchangeably and they are for the most part. Kink is considered an unsual sexual practice which apperantly means anything other the missionary position.
Dominance and Submission
The most famous element of BDSM! Dominance and Submission explores power dynamics in a big way. One person takes the Dominant role in the scene, using tools and commands to facilitate pleasure and pain in their Submissive partner.
While D&S can be the sexiest of mind games, it’s important to plan your scene - or session - and set up a way to check in with each other during the scene before you begin. For some great tips on how to do this, listen to my latest interview with one of the best Doms around.
Bondage & Discipline
While the power play of Bondage & Discipline is similar to Dominance and Submission, this category is all about the act of being restrained and releasing control in the physical sense. It could involve anything from telling you not to move to tying you up to wrapping you up in cellophane. What matters is that there’s something to push up against.
SadoMasochism
Sadomasochism can sound scary to newcomers to the BDSM scene at first, but really it’s just the exploration of the relationship between pain and pleasure. (Both release endorphins after all. 😉) Sadists find pleasure in delivering punishment, and masochists in receiving it. Whipping, humiliation, and clamps fall into this category - as well as spanking, biting, and tickling.
The “punishment” doesn’t have to be physical either; some sadists and masochists also enjoy playing with verbal humiliation.
The Healing Power of BDSM
People are often surprised when I talk about the healing power of BDSM. It can be used as embodied shadow work (looking at the stuff we keep in the shadow), a way to finish the unfinished loop of trauma and have the Submissive regain trust in themselves and their power.
Safety First
BDSM can be a ton of fun - but because it involves the exploration of our physical and emotional limits, it’s ESSENTIAL to navigate this style of play with care. I’ll be writing more on specific safety tips and what goes into a mutually excellent BDSM experience in the future, but until then, here are some resources you can tap:
Find a local dungeon or fetish club - Though it may feel intimidating to attend a dungeon on your own, the people who run these places are often friendly, welcoming, and knowledgeable. This site has a great list of dungeons and fetish clubs around the U.S.
Schedule a session with your friendly neighborhood dominatrix (yours truly 😉) - Let me show you and your play partner(s) the ropes (ha!) on some BDSM basics. We’ll go over how to prepare for, communicate during, and cool down from an amazing BDSM session. I’ll also show you how to use any toys you have or walk you through how to use the ones you’ll most commonly find at BDSM play-stations. We can get together on zoom for an introductory lesson or spend the weekend with me at a luxury AirBnB set up for deep dive into BDSM play.