Life is too short for bad sex…
You can have the great sex, respect and love you deserve without having to bargain or compromise who you are or what you desire.
“There’s nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.”
— Billy Joel
Are you suffering from bad sex?
Over the years, I’ve seen hundreds of couples resigned to a life of bad sex.
I firmly believe that this is because we are fed an image of what good sex is, and this one-size-fits-all version of good sex just doesn’t work for every wonderful, unique, diverse, individual that makes up the human race.
There are very few shame-free places to learn about sex and even fewer to learn about pleasure.
From the moment we hear about the birds and bees we are fed a script… sex happens in relationship, sex always ends in climax… with both parties perfectly synchronised, of course!
What if you don’t fit the script for good sex?
If your experience of sex does not fit the script, you have failed and there must be something must be wrong with you.
Through social conditioning many people simply accept that:
After the honeymoon phase it is normal for passion to dissipate
After a certain age you should expect passion to disappear
Having sex to keep the peace in a relationship is a necessity
Unenthusiastic sex or obligatory sex is better than no sex
Having different needs and desires to your significant other can cause a depressing spiral. The process of rejecting advances, or being rejected, and unfulfilled desires eventually becomes internalized shame, and with shame comes a total lack of connection.
Divorce anyone?
The good news is that it does not have to be this way!
You and your partner can have an amazing sex life, even if it sucks right now!
With the right guidance, communication and support, you and your partner can have hot, connected, naughty, soul-filling, fun, loving, or earth-shattering sex – whatever floats your boat.
You can have sex that:
Sparks a sense of fun and adventure even if your bedroom preferences have changed
Explores your capacity for pleasure without shame or embarrassment
Moves beyond the old habits or stories about intimacy from past relationships
Experiments with non-traditional intimate play to discover what turns you on
Feels safe and secure from past traumas or negative experiences
Cultivates your own pleasure so you can freely give it to your partner
Discovers your fantasies so you can bring them to life in the bedroom
Expands your sexual repertoire, to keep long-term relationships fresh and exciting
I know, because as a sex coach, I have guided couples from all walks of life on a journey of discovery and sexual fulfilment in their relationships and personal life.
What is a sex coach?
A sex coach is a professional who helps people in the areas of sex, sexuality and intimacy. Sessions are a combination of conversation, action, at-home practices and accountability that may include: grounding, movement, communication skills, mapping values and boundaries, and masculine/feminine energy interplay and all sessions are fully clothed.
It is my aim to support you in living and loving from your authentic core. Part of that is that I create a shame-free zone where you have permission to bring all of yourself and your desires to the table.
During our time together, you will receive exquisite attention with real-time feedback, giving you an empowered space to tune into yourself and to your partner. You may come knowing exactly what you want to work on, or you may simply know that you are ready for change.
Every sex coaching relationship is an adventure that is unique to you.
“There is no right or wrong way to do a relationship.There is only YOUR way.”- Deborah Kat
Introducing Deborah Kat
Welcome! I am Deborah Kat and I am uniquely qualified to help you create and reignite healthy, passionate relationships and empowered, authentic expressions of sex, love and intimacy.
My background includes being a Tantra Educator and Professional Dominatrix, years of studying relationships, including three years dedicated to female pleasure. In my personal life, I have over 22 years’ experience successfully negotiating the complications of a loving, ethically non-monogamous relationship.
I have the experience and skills to help you find solutions to the unique challenges in your relationship.
How many sex coaching sessions do I need?
Every coaching relationship is unique, I find that meeting once a week for a minimum of 12 weeks is a very powerful start to sex coaching. Some of those meetings are individual and some with all members of the union.
12 weeks gives us time and space to dive deeply into the heart of what you need to understand and start to apply changes in your love and sex life.
After 12 weeks, we discuss how to move forward. This may be consistent, on-going support, or short bursts when new challenges arise.
Sex coaching meetings are by phone, zoom or in-person in my office in Menlo Park.
What will sex coaching bring to your relationship? Schedule a consultation - take the first step to find out!
“Deborah makes me feel like I can really be myself. I sense her capacity to hold me through difficult feelings and her joy in my celebrations. I can see the mischievous look in her eye when she’s taking me forward and it makes me want to open up more. I highly recommend Deborah as a coach — the possibilities with her are endless.”
-Jessie
“Before I say anything else, please let me start by saying THANK YOU! Nothing Linda and I have done over the last several years has brought us closer together than the time we spent with you last Saturday. Your tenderness to her brought her to tears and helped us share things about ourselves that we have never done before. While I thought Tantra had some good elements, I didn't realize how powerful and effective it could be. Before we met, you asked what would "satisfy" me. I told you that I wasn't sure, but that I didn't think Tantra would be very satisfying. I was wrong. Looking into each other's eyes and the touching exercises we did together, under your direction, still move us both powerfully, even though we did them almost a week ago.”
-Joshua & Linda