From Conservative Roots to Liberated Lifestyle with Ayce Kypton
In this episode, I sit down with Certified Erotic Blueprints Coach and Somatic Sexological Bodyworker Ayce Kypton. Ayce shares his inspiring journey from growing up as a conservative, Republican Christian kid to living an erotically liberated lifestyle as a trans-masculine individual. Together, we explore his passion for somatic embodiment and reclaiming pleasure.
Along the way, we dive into the importance of creating safe spaces—especially for LGBTQ individuals—to reconnect with their desires and express their needs openly. Ayce opens up about his personal journey of sexual self-discovery, revealing how approaches like the Erotic Blueprints and sexological bodywork helped shift his focus from pain to pleasure.
Ayce teaches more about the five Erotic Blueprints and how they can enhance relationships and personal fulfillment. This conversation is packed with personal insights, practical advice, and a powerful reminder of the transformative impact of embracing pleasure without shame. Listen in on this engaging episode!
Connect with Ayce
https://www.aycekyptyn.com/somaticsexology
https://www.instagram.com/ayce_kyptyn/
Connect with Deborah
Got questions about sex and relationship?
Podcast Feedback DeborahTantraKat@Gmail.com
Book a breakthrough session with Deborah
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935
Sex and Relationship tips direct to you Inbox
https://deborahkat.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=428b26a12a8810bb5012792c3&id=ff89fb0d94
Practice and experimentation
https://www.deborahkat.com/relationship-lab
In our commitment accessibility, help make this podcast more accessible to those who are hearing impaired or those who like to read rather than listen to podcasts. The transcription is far from perfect, and in some cases quite amusing. As we grow edited transcripts are on the list in the meantime please enjoy.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:00:00]:
Just in case I start coughing or something.
Deborah [00:00:06]:
I hear you.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:00:11]:
All right, Cool.
Deborah [00:00:12]:
All right, and here we go. Welcome to the Better Sex Podcast. My name is Deborah Cat and I am your shameless host. This is the Better Sex Podcast where we have unfiltered conversations about sex and relationship. The these conversations are frank and sometimes explicit and may not be appropriate for all audiences. So please listen with care. I truly believe that a sexy world creates a happier and a safer world. If you want to do your part in helping to create a safe and sexy world, please hit like subscribe and leave a comment wherever you get your podcast content.
Deborah [00:01:01]:
Today we are going to dive into the world of my guest, Ace Kipton. They have been in the coaching industry for 14 years. He's a certified erotic. He's certified in the erotic blueprints, bondage, and a student of sexological bodywork. Their passion has been centered around somatic embodiment and living an erotically liberated lifestyle as a trans masculine individual. I am so excited to be having this conversation. We are a new connection, colleagues from the bondage world and all things fun, sexy, and erotic. And so I'm looking forward to learning more about you.
Deborah [00:01:48]:
Welcome, Ace.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:01:50]:
Thank you for having me.
Deborah [00:01:51]:
Absolutely. So I'm imagining there's quite a story behind your life. So how did you get here? What's your story? Story?
Ayce Kyptyn [00:02:01]:
Yeah. So my tagline, ironically, is from missionary to missionary and beyond in the bedroom. And so I started out as a conservative, Republican Christian kid. I grew up in a really solid household, but it came from that slant. And so as I was growing up, I was showing signs of being trans. My mom and dad actually probably realized that when I was around 4, I enjoyed a lot of masculine activities. So sports, playing outside, making forts, riding my bike, jumping off ramps, like the fun things that boys do. All my friends as a kid were boys, and so I think they realized it.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:02:50]:
Obviously, I was throwing fights about having to wear dresses and, you know, doing girly things. As a young kid, it was a common occurrence that we'd have discussions and arguments about how I was going to present myself as I went out in the world. But back in the 90s, there wasn't really tools and resources for parents to come alongside their kids and help them. Also, because of my background, my parents weren't very open to it. So in my household, I was allowed to do those masculine types of things. My dad would take me hunting. We'd have a really great time. But when I went out into the world, I had to present feminine.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:03:26]:
And so I'd go to church on Sunday and I'd have to wear a dress, I'd have to do my hair. They wanted me to wear makeup, or not really necessarily at that young of an age, but as I got older, they wanted me to do more feminine things. And I just. I had nothing to do with it. I really didn't desire that at all. But what ended up happening was I went through life on everybody else's terms. So I went to college, I became a missionary. I.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:03:54]:
I did the Christian thing. I lived a celibate lifestyle. And around the age of 38, my world started to fall apart. I looked really great on paper. I had a great job. I was super high up in the executive world. I had a lake house that I just built and designed on my own. I had all the fun toys, luxurious vacations.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:04:17]:
Like, I looked like I had it all, but I was dying inside. And what ended up happening was I lost my job. I can't go into that because I signed an NDA agreement. But it was traumatic. It was a horrible experience. And in that, I started to critically think about my lifestyle and how I was living my life. And I realized that I was storing a lot of the pain and angst and anger, I guess, in my body. And so I had a lot of low back issues.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:04:51]:
I went paralyzed for 72, 72 hours, which is a crazy story. I'll tell somebody. I'll tell you that some other time. But basically, I lost everything. I lost my job, my community, my faith, my family. I lost it all. And I had to critically think about how am I going to live this life in a way that doesn't abandon myself, but I actually can lean into my wants, needs, and desires. And so I watched a show called Sex Loving Goop on Netflix, and that totally changed my life with a complete oneaidi super fun.
Deborah [00:05:32]:
So I feel like there's a few things left out there.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:05:37]:
Yes.
Deborah [00:05:39]:
So, I mean, first of all, let me ask you, what does trans masculine mean?
Ayce Kyptyn [00:05:45]:
Yeah. So transmasculine mean that I was born female at birth. That's what the doctors assigned me. But I don't identify as that. I identify as a man. I feel like a man inside. And so what I did was I transitioned from presenting masculine or, sorry, from presenting female to presenting masculine. And so I chose to medically transition.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:06:10]:
So if someone were to see me on the street today, they would think that I'm a man. They would have no idea. Actually. I don't get questioned or misgendered anymore. But I went through the Process of medically transitioning so I could present masculine and feel like my authentic self as I walk around the world.
Deborah [00:06:28]:
And so how long was the transitioning process?
Ayce Kyptyn [00:06:34]:
Yeah, so I started this when I was 38. It took about a year for me to fully realize exactly who I was, like, gender orientation, expression, identity, all of that. I did a lot of deep dive work into myself and what I know to be true for me. And then it took me about a year to medically transition. So I started t in January. I had top surgery in March, and then I had lower surgery, bottom surgery in November. So I. I did the entire process, actually, in a full.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:07:09]:
In a full year medically.
Deborah [00:07:13]:
And just in terms of. So before 38, like, was that something. Were you. Were you presenting masculine at all or was it just. Yeah, feminine. Are we starting to kind of look tomboy? Like, it seems like that was an incredibly quick.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:07:34]:
Yeah.
Deborah [00:07:35]:
Change on the dime, and for some people, it is like that. But I am curious a little bit, you know, if you don't mind talking a little bit about your story.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:07:43]:
Absolutely. So my entire life, I've dressed more masculine. I never wanted to wear skirts, dresses, makeup, any of that. I was never interested in it. In 2015, I got promoted in my job, and so I went to one of the highest levels possible in my field. And in that promotion, I was coached in how to dress because I was consistently in boardrooms with multimillionaires. And so it was incredibly important that I looked the part. And so I pierced my ears for the first time, which was pretty ironic and super funny, actually, now that I look back, because I had super short hair.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:08:27]:
I was wearing business suits all the time. I was dressing incredibly masculine. I was always pushing that bounds of, like, how far can I go without someone asking me the question, am I a butch lesbian or am I transmasculine or what? Right. So I kind of played that line from 2015 to 2022, where I dressed as masculine as I possibly could without getting questioned. And then when I lost my job, I was like, well, fuck societal norms. Like, I'm going to. I'm going to be myself and I'm going to dress the way I want and do what I want to my body. I don't have to live by the standards of anybody else.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:09:09]:
I can choose what. What makes me happy. And so that's when I started actually, like, really dressing how I wanted to and, you know, obviously doing the surgeries and things like that.
Deborah [00:09:20]:
Great. Thank you.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:09:22]:
Yeah.
Deborah [00:09:22]:
And I'm curious, you know, just in Terms of terminology and, you know, so that people who are listening understand what we're talking about. So you said the question being, you know, am I a butch lesbian or trans masculine? And. Yeah, what's the difference?
Ayce Kyptyn [00:09:43]:
Well, I think everybody has their own definition for this. So for me, a butch lesbian would be someone that's probably attracted to women and has little to no desire to actually medically transition. But they like metal, they like masculine things. So they might have hobbies that are masculine. They might have a job that's masculine. They might dress masculine. They probably do. And for someone who's trans masculine, I feel like that's my identity.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:10:14]:
Like, that's who I am. I am a man. I don't want to be a female. And I. And also trans masculine, you can either choose to be transmasculine and have relationships with women, or you can be transmasculine gay, which is what I am, or I would want to have a relationship with a male. And so that's an interesting perspective too. Right. Because lesbians usually female to female, and for me, I have zero desire to have an intimate relationship with a female, especially sexually.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:10:44]:
I enjoy men and want to be with a man. So trans masculine gay is how I would identify.
Deborah [00:10:51]:
Beautiful. Thank you.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:10:53]:
Yeah.
Deborah [00:10:54]:
I'm curious, like, what you've noticed in the world. Like, how does the world treat you? Because, you know, I mean, I get to see you here, and you are very male. You were male presenting. You are. If I saw you on the street, I probably wouldn't have thought that you had a life before that wasn't male. So I'm kind of curious, like, in your experience, how is the diff. How is the world different for you in this version of your identity versus your identity?
Ayce Kyptyn [00:11:27]:
Yeah. So this is a really complex conversation, which I. I love. Let's dive in. So for me, I pass. And I always wanted to pass as a man. As a man. So that was my goal in the last year as medically transitioning.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:11:43]:
In the process of passing, I would get misgendered quite a bit because I kind of looked kind of female, kind of looked kind of masculine. Like, I had a large chest. I could not hide that. Unless I had surgery, there was no way that anyone would see me. And they'd be like, oh, that's a guy. No, they would be like, oh, that person has a chest. That person has large hips. Like, I had very feminine characteristics.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:12:08]:
Now, if I choose to, I can go out and I can be stealth, which means no one knows that I was female at birth. And if I go into public now and I'm not talking about sexuality, I'm not talking about my career, who I am, I probably won't even bring it up. People will just see me and they'll think that I'm a CIS man or a gay man, depending on the context. I don't get questioned. But I mean, previously to when I had face or when I didn't have facial hair and those types of things, I did struggle quite a bit. And it's. It's hard because you walk into a bathroom and if you don't have bottom surgery, you don't have the ability to stand up and use a urinal, you may or may not get questioned in a men's bathroom. And so there's a lot of, like, safety concerns and things like that.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:12:55]:
So as I was trying to get to that point of passing, there was a lot of awkwardness, a lot of fear. And I think a lot of people have a lot of ignorance around people who are trans and they don't really fully understand, they don't ask the right questions. There might be judgments there. And so I think if you're not passing as a trans individual, the world can be a really scary place because you never know who you're going to run into and what kind of story they're going to have in their head about who you are and how dangerous you might be. The reality is I'm just a human trying to do live my life, right? And I exist, I'm here, I have to use the restroom sometimes. So, like, there's that awkwardness of like, I'm just a human, see me as. That I'm not a threat, Right. And so I had a lot of that.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:13:42]:
For that year that I was medically transitioning, just going into public was really hard. I actually planned out if I was going to use the restroom. I'd probably use it at my house and then not use it for four to eight hours simply because I didn't want to run into those really awkward situations where someone might want to do harm to me, which that is a really prevalent threat in today's society.
Deborah [00:14:04]:
Yeah, thank you for that. So I'm not sure if I want to go into speaking of harm. You know, you did just have a video go viral and it wasn't, it wasn't quite the way you. You thought it was going to happen. So I wonder if we could talk about that.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:14:25]:
Yeah, we can dive into that. Absolutely. So super funny now a couple weeks later. But I had created a video that kind of showed my transitioning process and what is it like to be trans. And I had added the hashtags, ftm, transgender, things like that. And my hope and desire is that people who search those hashtags are looking for resources to know what it's like to transition and just to hear my story and maybe reach out and get some help if they're looking to transition. And so I do have a community of followers that are like that. The interesting thing is we live in a society now where the haters are searching those hashtags.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:15:12]:
And so what had happened was I had a transphobic community find my content and just go ballistic. And I'm far enough in my journey that what they said really wasn't that hurtful. I mean, it's more of a reflection of them than it is of me. Right. And so there was a lot of hurtful comments. I think I had 120,000 engagements in less than two days. So I was spending my days blocking people, moderating conversation, all that kind of stuff. The good thing that came out of that was there's people in those communities that want to transition, and they can't because it's not safe.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:15:56]:
And so as they were promoting my hate or my content out of hate, there were actually a few people that engaged in the content that they didn't have anywhere else to go. And so they found my content and they could find a safe space to be themselves. So good came out of that. They also cool. Another cool thing about it was, like, my Instagram profile and my Facebook profile just blew up. And so I was talking to my mentor today. I was like, there's a bit of the celebrity status that's kind of happening right now. I ran into somebody just the other day in my community, and they didn't know if they could have a conversation with me.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:16:33]:
And I'm like, I'm just a human, like. And they're like, but you're this big deal on social media. Like, well, now I'm a human. Like, let's have conversations. Like, you don't have to be afraid to engage with me. I'm not. I'm not a celebrity. But viral posts like that make you look like it sometimes.
Deborah [00:16:50]:
Got it. So. So I know that a lot of your content is about, you know, about trans, you know, trans information. Trans, you know, so that people understand your journey and perhaps their own journeys. And I also know, you know, that that's only a one part of who you are. Now we're going to talk about the goop episode.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:17:18]:
Oh, the juicy stuff. Yeah.
Deborah [00:17:20]:
And which Goop episode might that be?
Ayce Kyptyn [00:17:26]:
So sex loving Goop is on Netflix. It's totally free. And that is where my journey started. I watched it and I went, I need that in my life. Because what I saw was somatic embodiment happening in real life, like, right in front of me. Basically, what you see on the show is people get on a massage table, they get really vulnerable, they land in their bodies, and then they experience pleasure in a whole new way. And so that was my entry point into this work, was actually going, wow, that exists. I want that.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:18:04]:
And so I actually reached out to Jaya and Darshana, who are both on the show, and they both actually mentored me for a while, which is crazy to think about now that I look back on it. Like, I had two pretty big deals in the industry say, yeah, we're going to help you through this journey. And that's been a huge part of my story, is that that somatic embodiment and having those types of mender mentors come into my life and really share their expertise so that I can help a community that tends to disassociate from their bodies. Trans individuals, and I think all individuals to some extent, have had some sort of pain, injury, trauma in their life. And we learn how to disassociate real quickly. We learn how to abandon ourselves and our desires in order to make somebody else more comfortable or to help ease the situation in some sort of way. And so my hope and desire is to help individuals really get their wants, needs, and desires met. And what does that look like? And so I love creating that space for people that is safe for all of them to exist.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:19:19]:
The parts that you don't want to talk about, let's dive into that and let's create a space for you to feel like this is a really safe space for you to be vulnerable and get those needs met.
Deborah [00:19:32]:
Beautiful. Thank you. So, just for anyone who's listening and doesn't know, Jaya is the creator of the erotic blueprints, among other things. And Darshana is a sexological bodyworker.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:19:50]:
Correct? Yeah.
Deborah [00:19:51]:
I'm going to invite you to talk more about your. Your experience with sexological bodywork and your experience with the erotic blueprints.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:20:02]:
Yeah, yeah. So sexological bodywork for me is where my awakening happened. I was incredibly numb and hurt, and I was unable to be in my body and feel any type of pleasure. I think a lot of times when you ask somebody to do a body scan on their body, the first thing that comes to mind is, where's the pain? Oh, my low back hurts or my knee hurts or those are the first things that we notice. And in sexological bodywork and in the erotic blueprints, the desire is to find where's the pleasure? How can we find even the smallest amount of pleasure in our bodies and amplify that? So right now you might, you might do a body scan. You might be like, oh, wow, I could find a little bit of pleasure in my left toe. Right. And then the goal through somatic body work would be to, okay, how do we increase that? What does that look like? Maybe there's a breathing exercise we do, maybe there's some sensation play we do.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:21:05]:
But how do we awaken that desire so that that becomes something that's more prevalent in your world instead of the pain, which was an incredible awakening for myself. And that's why I like to do this with other people as well. Because to live your life out of pain is tiring, it's exhausting. But if you can find that pleasure in your body, there's an unlimited amount of pleasure that can be found. And so every day it can be even a deeper, juicier, like experience. Right.
Deborah [00:21:40]:
Mm, love hearing that. And. And the erotic blueprints.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:21:48]:
Yeah, so the erotic blueprints basically is a framework for life. There's five different blueprints. You have the energetic, which kind of. Oh, that's you. You're an energetic.
Deborah [00:22:02]:
Well, I'm an energetic. I'm an energetic shape shifter.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:22:06]:
Oh, that's a fun place to play in. I like that a lot. I'm an energetic. Kinky. I like to get a little mischievous. Little taboo. Yeah. So the energetic is someone that enjoys like spiritual depth and they bring that into sex.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:22:24]:
And so like a superpower for them is you might be able to have like a touch free orgasm, which is super cool, juicy.
Deborah [00:22:32]:
I guess I can. Thank you for noticing.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:22:36]:
What a great experience. I remember the first time I had one of those. I was like 15. I was like, what just happened? I totally had no idea. So yeah, that's cool. The second one is sensual. So you love engaging in all of the senses. You might get distracted by a messy room or a smell or something like that.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:22:55]:
The senses are really important to you. And then you have the sexual, who tends to go from 0 to 60 real quick. Like you love to have fun. There's passion, there's play, and you're easily aroused. That's a huge piece of the sexual journey. And then there's kinky, which you enjoy psychological or sensational base play, I guess. And you really enjoy the taboo. So whatever's taboo for you, that's kind of the play zone that you like to be in.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:23:25]:
And then there's the shapeshifter, which is kind of a combination of all of them, where you like variety, you like creativity, and you just want it all. And so once you learn your blueprint, and kind of maybe your partner's blueprint or how to find the blueprint in other people, you learn how to interact with them in such a way that is just, like, orgasmic. And it's super, super juicy and fun to play in.
Deborah [00:23:50]:
Absolutely. Um, I mean, I'm not certified in it, but something I know enough about to be dangerous. And what I've noticed is, like, you know, when I bring that idea into a couple, right. And we start looking at, like. Because I. I've noticed that about three years, most couples, if they're not playing in their, you know, in their blueprint, then that's when you start. That's when you start hearing things like, oh, I've got low desire. Oh, you know, I love my partner, but we're not sexual.
Deborah [00:24:26]:
And really kind of refocusing them and helping them to find, like, you know, what they're. What. Who they are as individuals and then bring them together as. As a couple so that they can find. Find the play between them.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:24:43]:
Yeah.
Deborah [00:24:44]:
Speak each other's languages.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:24:46]:
Absolutely. Yeah. The. The lost only lasts for so long in a relationship, and then after that, what do you have left? You know, you have to find those areas where you really turn each other on. And what does that look like to play in those spaces?
Deborah [00:25:00]:
Absolutely. And. And what does sex look like to you as a couple? Because I think we're so stuck in this idea that it's like sex is two people coming together. There's escalation, there's penetration, there's climax. If you're doing it right, both people are climaxing at the same time, and then there's napping. You know, I don't find that to be accurate. You know, if you've got somebody who's kinky, you don't always have to touch them. You could just, you know, sex their brain up and, you know, satisfaction and pleasure happens.
Deborah [00:25:38]:
If somebody, you know. So it's just. It. It's learning how to bridge each other's ways of being and to do without shame.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:25:49]:
Absolutely.
Deborah [00:25:51]:
You know, I think that's a big. A big thing. So when you, like, who is your. Who do you generally work with?
Ayce Kyptyn [00:25:59]:
Yeah. So I Work with anybody. When I first started this journey, I was working with a lot of CIS het couples or individuals just trying to figure out, you know, what was not working in their, in their world and helping them out. Most recently it's been a lot of LGBTQ people, specifically trans individuals, maybe gay men. Those would probably be my ideal clients. But really, in all honesty, I will work with anybody that has like a shared commonality with me. Somebody that I vibe with. We have the good chemistry together.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:26:34]:
I would love to work with people that want to do this work. Right. They want to show up and they actually want to, want to fix something or, or move forward in their journey. Those are the type of people that I really get excited to work with.
Deborah [00:26:47]:
And so how would somebody know that they're a good like that erotic blueprints or sexological bodywork or bond massage, which we haven't really talked much about. Yeah, might be, might be something to explore. Like what do you, what do you, you know, how would you say somebody's is like, like this might be a good thing for them. Like what are some of the noticing or thinking about?
Ayce Kyptyn [00:27:13]:
Yeah. Is there a curiosity there for you? Do you have a desire, a want, a need that isn't being expressed and do you want to figure out what that looks like? If you do, I'm a great coach to work with. I love it when people come to me and they've critically thought about the situation that they're in and they're wanting to find that solution. I will help you process it. I'm not going to solve all your problems, but I'm going to resource you so that we can work together to solve your problems. So if that's something that gets you excited as a client, I'm probably your person. I'm also pretty light hearted and flexible. Like I really enjoy life and so if you come from life from that perspective or want to have more joy and pleasure and happiness in your life, I'm probably the right connection for you.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:28:07]:
I don't like to be too serious. I like to enjoy, laugh, have fun, obviously talk about the deep and serious things. I can't do surface level conversations very, very well. It's not my, it's not my go to. I like to get deep and vulnerable, but I like to do that in such a way that's engaging and fun.
Deborah [00:28:30]:
So just for folks who are listening, who may not be aware, what does CIS mean?
Ayce Kyptyn [00:28:40]:
Yeah. So you align yourself with the sex that you were born with. So if you were born a male, the doctor said you were a male. You align with that, you know, in your body and also mentally, and then the same for female.
Deborah [00:28:55]:
Okay, and do you. I. I'm just kind of curious, like, what. What might somebody who is. Like, what. What are some of the problems or some of the things that people are thinking about that, like the erotic blueprints or. Or, you know, is it. Is it like, I.
Deborah [00:29:20]:
I have low desire? Is it that, you know, what. What are some of the problems that people come to?
Ayce Kyptyn [00:29:27]:
Yeah. So there's four obstacles, really, that we deal with with most of our clients. Their physical, emotional chemistry, and electrical. I'll go through those a little bit. But basically, the clients that we tend to see, they have one of those issues or maybe multiple of those issues going on. So the physical looks like you might have an issue physically in your body. Like, there might be a pain point. So we find out what's happening.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:29:53]:
Maybe we talk to doctors, those types of things, to figure out what we can solve when it comes to that issue, or if it's an emotional issue, what's going on emotionally between you and your partner? Like, what's your story around sex? Did you have good sex education? Those types of things. We look at the emotional component of that. The chemistry is. We check your hormones, we see what's normal for your age, what's optimal for your age, what feels best for you and your body. So you might go to a doctor, you might have your hormone panels checked. And then we. We look at that and we say, okay, these are some of the issues. How can we solve that? And the electrical is more on a, like, a cellular level.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:30:35]:
What's happening in the bioelectrical field? And so those are four areas that people have obstacles in that we help them strategically in. And I am resourced to kind of dive into and ask the questions and then also help you find the solutions to whatever those issues might be.
Deborah [00:30:54]:
So. So it's interesting. So. And once they've kind of looked at these different things, what are some of the ways that working with you look. What is some of the ways that working with you might look like?
Ayce Kyptyn [00:31:11]:
Yeah, yeah. So it's incredibly different for everybody. I'm just thinking of some of my most recent clients, and it's like they run the whole spectrum of gender identity, orientation, expression. There's some sort of obstacle there that they're trying to work through. And so for them to work with me, really, it just looks like coming onto a Zoom appointment and sharing what's going on. Your past, present, and future. And then me Helping you move forward in that. And every client is incredibly different.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:31:47]:
So, like, for me to give you, like, examples, I could give you some, but it's very, like. It's so. It's so wide, I guess the net is so wide of the issues that you could bring to the table and then the resourcing that I could have to help you move forward in whatever direction you want to go.
Deborah [00:32:04]:
Thank you. Yeah, I mean, I'm just sort of thinking about some of the places where. Where sexuality, you know, affects our bigger life. You know, the. Clearly, if we're not. You know, clearly if we're. If we're partnered and the sexuality isn't working there, that can have a lot of different detrimental effects. You know, not just on the connection to partnership, but, you know, whatever the family piece is there.
Deborah [00:32:36]:
But also, you know, as you pointed out, it can be really challenging at work. It can be really challenging out in the world. And I think it's sort of, you know, we don't always think of sexuality as having the effect. I think a lot of times we only think about sexuality as being something that happens in the bedroom. But that's not really. That's not really accurate, is it?
Ayce Kyptyn [00:33:05]:
No. So my mentor actually says this. She goes, one of the biggest mistakes we make is taking the spirituality out of the bedroom. We take God out of sex. We're all here because of sex. It's designed to be this way, and it changes the way that we show up in the world. Right. And so I just had this experience this morning.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:33:28]:
I woke up and I was in a fantastic mood. The reason I was in a fantastic mood is because I'm getting my sexual needs met. I know what they are, and I'm getting them met. And, like, all of me can exist. Right. And I think this is a. I mean, to talk even on a bigger. Bigger spectrum.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:33:47]:
This is probably the issue that we're seeing even in the political realm right now. If we want to go that direction, we have a political leaders that are super frustrated. They probably are pent up sexually, and it's coming. Coming out sideways. Right. In the world.
Deborah [00:34:02]:
Yeah. I mean, clearly there's some, you know, shadow. Sexual. Shadow work going on there. You know, just in terms of, okay, one little political jag, that's it, I promise. But, you know, recently they started talking about, I can't remember what state it is, but they're gonna put the Ten Commandments up, right?
Ayce Kyptyn [00:34:26]:
Yeah.
Deborah [00:34:27]:
Which I think will be really entertaining when somebody raises their hand and it's like, excuse me, what does it mean to covet someone's ass? I mean, I don't know about you, but I covet a lot of ass. When we go walking down the street, like, damn, that is some fun. Anyway. But, you know, it's just such an interesting thing of, like, you know, when we start legislating around people, around people's, you know, bodies, around their, you know, what they can and can't do in the bedroom, who they can and can't love, who they can and can't marry. Like, it's just. It's just a recipe for disaster.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:35:08]:
So, yeah, it's all a grasp for power and control, though, in all honesty. I mean, if we're all sexually liberated and enjoying our lives, like, the whole world would change because sex is a tool to awaken our own desires and who we truly are. Right. And it can be used in such a powerful way once we're erotically liberated. But if they can keep us from getting to that place, they have control over us to an extent.
Deborah [00:35:37]:
Right. And the more that, you know, we bring in this idea of like, oh, the body is shameful. Oh, we, you know, because of course, that then translates to we are shameful. And I think shame is one of the most detrimental. And, you know, it's. It's detrimental to the self, and it is a huge tool to control others.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:36:04]:
Right, Absolutely. Yeah. And. And that's why the erotic blueprints was so good for me, because I was able to experience, like, true intimacy with myself. Like, how can I find unconditional love for me? For me, not from anybody else, but from myself to me. How can I unconditionally love myself? And what does that look like? Like, the erotic blueprints gave me the ability to critically think about who am I and what does it look like for me to love myself and then show up in the world as someone who can love others? Because I'm loving myself first. Like, that mentality right there is what really shifted me into where I'm at today.
Deborah [00:36:50]:
I love hearing that.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:36:52]:
So good.
Deborah [00:36:53]:
It's so good. And I just want to step back a second because, you know, you did say that your blueprint is kinky, and that is all about the taboo. And there is so much power. There's so much power in taboo. There is so much power because that's the stuff that's in the shadow, Right. And whether it is, you know, around our emotional taboos, you know, the things that we can and can't feel, whether it's around the, you know, the things that we can and can't do. But, like, once we can actually harness that power and, you know, not just bring it out of the shadow shadows, but actually embrace it. It's such a powerful experience.
Deborah [00:37:43]:
And I know absolutely myself when I. I found bondage before, I found the erotic blueprints. But for those who are listening and are not sure what bondage is, it's amazing. It's a process that combines bondage and massage and sensory deprivation, which means wearing blindfolds and upping some senses and downing some other ones. But what's beautiful about it is it's such a great experience in being able to play with those shadow pieces, play with those taboo pieces, and then allow you to own them. Right. Allow you to actually work through. Through the shame and.
Deborah [00:38:33]:
And find the power at the other side. So. So, yeah, I get kind of excited about this one at any point.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:38:41]:
I get really excited about it, too. I mean, so as a Christian, as a woman presenting like that, as most of my life, I had this dark side in me, like this dark, energetic that really wanted to come out and play, but there was no safe space for that to happen in that world. Right. And so when I mixed the energetic and the kinky and I started doing bond assage and started doing a little bit of dom work, it was like, ooh, all of me can exist. Even like this dark, fearful. Like, that's kind of fun. And as I started playing in that, it was like, wow, I really suppressed that my entire life. I suppressed all of these desires, emotions, feelings that are just a natural part of the human experience.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:39:27]:
We're meant to. We're meant to feel those. We're meant to express them. But because of society and religion, a lot of times we hide those things and then things just go sideways. And so for me, bond massage was one of those places where I could dive into the kink, into the taboo, in such a safe space where I could be held by someone who was professionally trained in this and kind of get curious with those desires and play a little bit and just have a little bit of fun and laughter and darkness and whatever showed up was totally okay and celebrated in that space, which was huge in my, like, transformation and healing journey, too.
Deborah [00:40:05]:
Yeah. And I just want to give a concrete sort of. This might sound a little esoteric to people, but I just want to give an example, and that is that I was working with a client who had had a really interesting relationship to jealousy, in that their relationship to jealousy was if their partner felt jealousy, then they. They felt desired, and that meant that they were lovable.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:40:33]:
Right.
Deborah [00:40:34]:
And it brought up a lot of issues in their relational dynamic because they looking to make their partner jealous so they could feel that. So we kind of created a space for that jealousy to, you know, come into the light and for them to sort of play things out around jealousy so that, you know, her partner could. Her partner could feel the feelings or so that she could feel the feelings that went with that and her partner could do it in a way that wasn't damaging to the relationship. And so, you know, as they played with that, they both got a lot of turn on out of it. They both got a lot of pleasure out of it. And it became something that could have been, you know, a relationship killer. It could have also been a really dangerous thing because she was constantly doing things, you know, to poke the bear, if you will. And so it.
Deborah [00:41:38]:
So being able to have that space to work these things out, to play with them, to bring that shadow piece to the light is so important. And I think, you know, bondage the erotic blueprints, but playing in the kinky world is. Can be so liberating and there's so much pleasure to be harvested there. And I just want to, you know, add one more thing here and I'll let you take this one away, but it's like one of the tenants of the erotic blueprints is pleasure first.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:42:14]:
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. So if you don't know what pleasure first is, it's basically an exercise in finding pleasure in your body and speaking to those desires that you have. And so I started this probably three years ago when I started working with Jaya of starting my mornings by waking up and asking my body, what do you want right now in this moment? And it can be super juicy and it can also be super. Just comforting and good for your body. So like, for instance, you could just pick up a piece of chocolate from your nightstand and indulge in chocolate for the very first thing in the morning. That could be really great. Your body might really want that.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:42:57]:
You could do self pleasure. You could do something with your partner. You could go work out at the gym. Like, it's asking your body what it truly wants and then giving that to yourself. It's so liberating. And it starts your day in such a way that you show up differently to the world because you're in your body, you're grounded, and you're. You're just coming from a place of being centered and being present, which most people don't do when they start their day and they look at their phone and they go to social media or they jump into their first meeting or whatever it might be. It's a really nice way just to slow down and be present.
Deborah [00:43:36]:
So good.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:43:38]:
Yes.
Deborah [00:43:39]:
In a moment I'm going to ask you if there's one thing you wanted people to get out of our conversation, what might that be? But first, I want to give people an opportunity to know how they can support the better Sex podcast. And you know, sex is a really complicated subject and it makes or breaks a relationship. And unfortunately, most of us don't grow up in an environment where talking about sex is welcome. That's why I'm offering the Sexual mastery breakthrough session. This is a personalized one on one experience so that you can bring your questions and have them answered in a non judgmental, compassionate way. So let's face it, you know, a podcast is not enough. You need more than that. You need practices and tools and someone that can give you accurate reflection.
Deborah [00:44:36]:
So if you're ready for these things, please check out the show notes and book yourself a sexual mastery breakthrough session. Because life is too short for bad sex. All right, so I am so curious if you. If someone listening were to get one thing out of our conversation, what? What would you want them to walk away with?
Ayce Kyptyn [00:44:59]:
Yeah, fuck societal norms. Stop abandoning yourself and truly be honest with who you are and what you want. My life totally changed when I said I don't care what society or what religion says. It's all a bunch of made up rules and we don't have to follow them. What's right for you and what does it look like to live a life out of that space?
Deborah [00:45:33]:
So good. I love that. Thank you so much. So my guest here is Ace. And I know that you are on the socials and Facebook. Would you like to give us your. Your socials?
Ayce Kyptyn [00:45:51]:
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So I'm on Facebook and on. I'm on Instagram, Ace Kipton. So just spell out my name and you'll find me there. And then I have a website, ace kipton.com where you can find all my offerings. I am offering 50 off for anybody who comes to me from this podcast. So just find my contact form on my website and shoot out that you heard heard me on the podcast and I'll give you a discount.
Deborah [00:46:17]:
Beautiful. Thank you. That's very generous. So, yeah. Any last words?
Ayce Kyptyn [00:46:26]:
Live your life in pleasure.
Deborah [00:46:28]:
I love that. Live your life in pleasure. Thank you so much, Ace. Please follow them on social media and if you know someone who needs to hear what Ace has said, here who needs to hear what, you know, what we've shared around pleasure, around being oneself, around transitioning, any of the things, any of the many things that we talked about here today, please send them, you know, send them this episode and share it far and wide. And thank you so much for listening again, Ace. Thank you so much. And please, like, subscribe, comment wherever you get your podcasts. Bye for now.
Ayce Kyptyn [00:47:19]:
Adios.