Flirting and the Feminine with Coco Williams
In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with Certified Bondassage Trainer, Entrepreneur & Coach, Coco Williams who dives deep with us into the power of feminine energy, the art of flirting, and the journey of personal growth and healing. We talk about how subtle shifts in communication can significantly affect our interactions and relationships and the ways flirting can elevate your mood and energy while also exploring the nuances of flirting across different cultures and the cultural fears around it. Along the way, Coco opens up about her healing journey, including therapy, coaching, and self-reflection techniques all leading her to finding joy in femininity and the empowering aspects of sex work. Coco shares her unique coaching techniques and personal experiences, including stories about the powerful role of maintaining a high vibration to manifest your desires. Learn about the importance of human interaction and flirtation beyond the bedroom, and how embodying specific fantasies in marketing has brought Coco both joy and financial success. You won’t want to miss Coco’s powerful insights and tools to manifest your desires in this fun conversation!
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In our commitment accessibility, help make this podcast more accessible to those who are hearing impaired or those who like to read rather than listen to podcasts. The transcription is far from perfect, and in some cases quite amusing. As we grow edited transcripts are on the list in the meantime please enjoy.
Deborah [00:00:00]:
Welcome to the Better Sex podcast. My name is Deborah Catt, and I am your shameless host. This is the better Sex podcast where we have unfiltered conversations about sexuality, sex and relationships. These may not be appropriate conversations for people under the age of 18, so if you have littles about, you might want to put your headphones on.
Deborah [00:00:39]:
This show is to support you in understanding the many ways and relationships that are available so that you can figure out what works for you and have better sex and satisfying relationships on your terms. I truly believe that a sexy world creates a happier and a safer world. And if you want to do your part in creating a safer and sexy world, please hit like subscribe and leave a comment wherever you get your podcasts. So today we are going to dive into the world of my guest coco. She is a bondessage provider. She's also the creator of the six month manifesting calendar, and she helps people to leverage feminine energy for fun and profit. I am delighted to know Coco from the bondisage world, and I have to say I have been just so excited to get to know her better, to get to understand what goes on in her world. And I'm really just delighted to have you here as a guest.
Deborah [00:01:49]:
Thank you so much for joining us. And I'm curious, like, first of all, what does it mean to use your feminine energy for fun and profit? And I'd love to hear your story of how you got here.
Coco [00:02:08]:
Oh, my gosh. The story of where I got. Of how I got which place. But, you know, like, femininity, I think that a lot of us, excuse me, femininity is so versatile. So. And I just think that you definitely will always have masculine and feminine. And a lot of times, I think that a lot of us don't embrace our femininity. I think that it's used or it's sometimes seen a little bit weaker or a little bit less than, and it's just as powerful and as strong as masculinity.
Coco [00:02:46]:
So in all of its forms. Yeah.
Deborah [00:02:49]:
And, you know, it's funny because hearing you say that, when I think of feminine energy, like, I'm thinking of that creative force, I'm thinking of, you know, elementally, you know, somewhere I understand, you know, feminine energy to be like water energy. And, you know, water is. Water is a force. You know, it's living, living by the ocean. I can tell you year after year, the water takes out roads and we still keep rebuilding them. So, you know, as you're saying that, I'm like, oh, yeah, you know, that's not, but, but it's not the energy that we usually harness when we want to get something done, if you will. You know, it's, it's that more like focused. We're going to just do energy.
Coco [00:03:39]:
Yeah, it's almost like there's this serving others before ourselves, energy. A lot of times in that feminine energy, you know, we can fall into that. But, you know, I just really wanted to create a space where people can understand that there is a force behind it because, like you said, like, the roads took, like, the water was taken out the roads. And for those that don't know and remember that water cuts diamonds. So it's that force. So I totally agree, and I love that that visual popped up in your head, you know, but, yeah, like, I just really wanted people to just remember that there is such a strong force and we can have fun. We can be as dainty or as strong, and just remembering that it's coming from a strong, nurturing place. So that's one of the biggest things about femininity for me than doing it.
Deborah [00:04:40]:
Have you always been somebody that's kind of been in their feminine, or did it take some time to cultivate, you.
Coco [00:04:48]:
Know, a little bit of my background? I, um, I've been really fortunate in my life. Um, I did have trauma as a kid. I was raped when I was, unfortunately. It's such a sad story for so many of us. And it took me almost out of that girliness, you know, and had me afraid. And I was super Madden, or at least I thought I was super masculine, but I was super defensive and I was super scared and just not really understanding. And it actually took this amazing, beautiful, wonderful man that helped me to not saying that it had to be, but he saw something in me and, you know, he fed me that masculine energy to really rise up in the feminine energy. Now, the funny thing about how that story is, is he was a child general manager of a big strip club back in Atlanta.
Coco [00:05:46]:
And so he saw that, you know, it was almost like I took on this, like, masculine, like, macho. I have to keep up with the guys because I met him in the boxing and kickboxing course. I was the youngest and the only girl. He was like, and he could just tell those signs that I had had that trauma at such a young age and helped mold me. And he was like, you are woman. Here you roar. A man shouldn't be able to, or no one should be able to force anything on you that you don't want. You are woman.
Coco [00:06:19]:
You roar. And, you know, it was just like that masculine that reminded me, you know, about staying into my feminine. And, of course, like, throughout my life, there's been those times where for some of us, maybe not all of us, but we have a hard time in our. In our own personal egos, our own personal self, sometimes we lose sight of just who we are, who we want to be, especially if we're growing into the next level. You know, there was times when I'd lost that feminine energy, and it almost gone back into this. I don't know. I want to say, like, my false feminine energy of what I've portrayed, of where it's like I wasn't able to do, I needed someone else for and that sort of thing. But then I started, once again, getting some great masculine energy from all sorts of spaces, reminding me, I'm woman.
Coco [00:07:16]:
Hear me roar. Just like, actually last year, one of our colleagues, Val, helped me out with that masculine energy. That was an awesome experience in that growth.
Deborah [00:07:25]:
So, yeah, I just. So a couple things that you've said, and I just really want to highlight, and one of them being that, you know, when you had the experience of being violated, you became defensive, and rightly so, you know, scared and defensive. And the way that that showed up, you know, was particularly with people, it sounds like presenting, you know, men, you know, that you would be defensive, that you would be competitive, that you would be, you know, all the traits that we consider to be in our masculine. And I just, you know, I. It is. It is a very common thing that I see often where women who have been in that situation of being violated, like, they become so defensive and so scared and so, you know, rightly so angry that it appears to be competitive in, you know, like, this idea of being in the masculine. But it's not actually that. It's, as you pointed out, like, a false.
Deborah [00:08:33]:
You know, it's the protection. It's the false piece. And, you know, it makes perfect sense. And I really, you know, anybody who is listening here, you know, it makes perfect sense that that safety would become your number one concern if you've had that kind of experience. And, you know, it is. Yeah. So I love to hear that you had the experience and found the healing, and now you get to rejoice in this energy.
Coco [00:09:11]:
And a lot of people, and unfortunately, there's so many people that don't get the chance to get and understand the healing. I was working with a young girl the other day, excuse me, the other day. And she was talking about, well, I'm working on getting healed. I'm working on getting healed. And I said, well, you do realize that, like, it's just forever healing, you never just stop healing. And she asked me, well, what do you mean? And I was like, well, do you have any scars? She's like, of course I have scars. And it's like, well, the scars heal. Like, that injury healed, and then you have scars, and they're reminders.
Coco [00:09:49]:
They don't hurt anymore, but they're reminders. And I think that, you know, where people are looking for this end, you know, this end of the race with that journey and understanding that it's constant growth and it just doesn't stop. So it's finding that space of where you can feel comfortable, where even in the trauma, you can still move forward. That's why I love and I believe that there's triumph and trauma.
Deborah [00:10:20]:
Hmm. Can you say a little bit more about your sort of healing journey? Like, what some of the modalities, but some of the. The ways that you worked with your trauma to heal?
Coco [00:10:38]:
Oh, my gosh. When I say that it has been, it's. And it's still a journey because there's still some triggers. Unfortunately, he's still out and about and still a family member in running two. I actually ran into him the past weekend, and, you know, and he came near, and it was one of those things that Kitty came out and protected me. Know, that sounds kind of wild, but she was just like, I got you standing your ground. Remember all of those that have helped you before. You're good.
Coco [00:11:17]:
You're fine. Keep it moving. You know, this person can't do anything else to you anymore. And I did have, like, another family member that was aware of the situation and made sure, you know, stayed close and paid attention and was aware of that. So it's. There's just so much. I mean, I can't really. I mean, like, there isn't just, like, one specific time that just, you know, as I mentioned about Val coming out after I'd had my surgery and helping me throughout the, you know, that surgery, because that was a whole different trauma dealing with the situation and even with working through, you know, of course, in the sex industry, you know, working through some of those different traumas and how it showed up in my life, there's just been so many things that I've done from working with therapists, working with coaches, definitely working within myself first and foremost, doing a lot of shadow work, doing a lot of mirror work, sitting with myself and fully understanding who I am, am, what I'm becoming, what that healing has done for me.
Deborah [00:12:24]:
So, yeah, so, you know, you mentioned a whole bunch of things at once, so I'm going to slow you down for just a moment. I love, you know, so it sounds like you've told. You've been telling your story and you've gotten some feedback that, yes, it's real, and we're here to back you up, and we're here to hold you. And then when. You know, I'm curious, when you say mirror work, what you mean by that?
Coco [00:12:50]:
A lot of times. So whenever I have sessions, my mirror work sessions, where I actually help people sit with themselves, is I ask people, how long do you spend in front of the mirror? And they're like, every morning I'm doing my makeup, and it's like, okay, when was the last time especially? A lot of people have a hard time connecting, like, eye to eye with regular people, regular day. So then it's like, well, when was the last time that you just sat with yourself, had a conversation with yourself, acknowledged yourself, got a little angry with yourself, got excited about yourself, and had all of these different emotions with that reflection in the mirror? And for a lot of beginners, I will say that a lot of people have cracked under, like, two minutes. I can't do it. It's hard to sit with yourself. And that's one of the biggest things, is being able to sit with yourself, because at the end of the day, even with all the support from outside sources, the biggest support is yourself.
Deborah [00:13:58]:
Yeah, I hear you say the mirror work piece, and I'm just like, hmm, probably about, like. I mean, I'm good. I can. I can sit with feelings. I can feel feelings, all of that stuff. But I think that, you know, having that reflection back is a thing. You know, it's. For me, part of my healing journey has been photography and being photographed and, like, all the stuff that comes.
Deborah [00:14:27]:
That comes up with that. You know, like, I love being in this body and what this body is capable of and, you know, how it moves and being able to run pleasure and all the other stuff. But, Boyd, it is confronting to try to see it from the outside. And so, like, as you're talking about the. The mirror work, and, you know, it's like, oh, that's. That's a whole. That's a whole other level.
Coco [00:15:00]:
It is. It's a whole nother level, especially, like, because you're the one that, like, especially with the. With the break, for me, it was like I was. I was the only one that was really there. And, like, having that experience, I'm really, you know, the only one that I could sit with through that, through all of the counseling, all of the therapy and everything else, you know, all the textbook conversations, there was still this unfulfilling. And until I really started sitting with myself and acknowledging who I was, like you said with that reflection looking back at me and why I was mad about why this looked this way or why wasn't I this way, or, you know, I was just. I would just get angry, and it was part of acknowledging myself well, and.
Deborah [00:15:49]:
I think one of the so interesting, fascinating things about being in the world of sex work is that they're literally, you know, they're. No matter what you look like, no matter who you are, no matter what you bring to the table, there is someone out there who is like, oh, my God, I. You are my fantasy. And crazy. Because I know back in the day, when I was more active, I could have experiences where it's like, I would have somebody. I'd have an amazing session, and then I'd have somebody show up at the door and walk out because I didn't look like my pictures or their fantasy or whatever. And then, like, you know, I'd have another experience that was awesome. Or, you know, it could go any different way.
Deborah [00:16:42]:
And all of that is in one day, in, you know, in a short period of time. And what was fascinating to me was, like, you know, when I was able to step back a little bit is to really drop into the idea of, like, wow, somebody. You know, I'm somebody's fantasy.
Coco [00:17:02]:
Like me. They really like me.
Deborah [00:17:06]:
Yes. And. And then, like, you know, I. For me. And you can tell me if this were. If this is something that worked for you, like, there would be times when, you know, I'd put on the outfit or I'd put on the, you know, the lipstick or, like, the voice, and. And I would be totally turning myself on. Right.
Deborah [00:17:33]:
You know, and so, so, yeah, so it's. It's. It's just such an interesting process, but.
Coco [00:17:42]:
No, it so is. And, you know, I love when Meg, thee stallion, I love when she talks about how she looks at it. She'll stop and look at her own reflection in the mirror. It's like, yes, that's. That's the energy right there to have is being able to stop and be like, best friends and your biggest support, you know, in every. All your scars, all the cellulite, all the fupas, like, all of that and the smile. I think a lot of us forget our smile, our happiness, and finding that happiness in ourselves.
Deborah [00:18:21]:
So tell me a little bit more about femininity for fun, and then we'll kind of go to femininity for profit.
Coco [00:18:34]:
Oh, man. I have definitely got almost kind of what I want to say to that was the experience. I love Marilyn Monroe. Let's take it there. And I loved reading up on her, especially in the art of seduction. Did you read the art of seduction?
Deborah [00:18:55]:
I did. I did.
Coco [00:18:58]:
So remember when they were talking about the siren and how they brought up, like, Marilyn Monroe and how she also does the childish. It's like she would invoke, like, the siren and the, like, the child, like, the innocent, yet the innocence. Yes. And, like, I really just, like, embodied, like, okay. Like, an understanding fantasy is a big part of it that I think is becoming a bit of a lost art in marketing for a lot of people is understanding the fantasy of their market and understanding, like, how to play into that role of what they're looking for. So, like, I've been able. I've gone on trips, I've had cars, I have, like, blown through money just because I embodied that a particular sort of feminine fantasy. So, like, and I guess really and truly, like, the fun and profit really go hand in hand for me because I had fun getting the profit, you know, and the profit made everything fun.
Deborah [00:20:12]:
Yeah. And we were talking a little bit before we. Before we hopped on to record. We're talking a little bit about how this fun, you know, that it can show up anywhere, that it's not just, you know, it's just, it's not just for the bedroom. It's not, you know, just for the profession that. So can you speak about that a little bit?
Coco [00:20:38]:
Yeah, I think it's important that people be seen, you know, and being seen and understanding, like, human interaction. There's so much social media and just everybody's on their phones when they go out. And, like, next time you go out, like, look and see, like, I. How many people in the restaurant are on their phones? Depending on where you go, but mostly anywhere, like, a restaurant, a bar, target on a bus. Like, everybody's on their phone, so there's no interaction anymore. So people don't flirt. And that's the fun thing of not just having to do it in the bedroom. I think, like, foreplay can definitely start way before the bedroom and just keep going.
Coco [00:21:23]:
So, like, that fun, flirtatious, using the femininity like, I am so one of those girls that will drop a pin and be like, oh, just for the fuckery of it. But then I'm also the type that, you know, I'll lift up my skirt and there's a big old inappropriate. Now there's a big old, like, strap on or something, you know, depending on who I'm playing with. So there's so many ways to just have fun with it and people don't. And I guess one of the things, too, that I want to focus or what I want to say is, like, whenever I talk about my marketing, is that you should always become, like you said, always be who you are. Like, that is the best marketing to sell your personality because there's somebody that likes you. You are their fantasy. And I think that so many people forget that.
Coco [00:22:18]:
And that's not just a profit thing, but just in general, somebody likes you regardless of who you are. And I think that so many people try to put on a front of what they're not and get frustrated when, like, they don't meet somebody's expectation or they're disappointed.
Deborah [00:22:40]:
Yeah, I want to talk about disappointment in a moment, but before that, I want to talk about flirting because I think, you know, for, for a lot of people, flirting has become escalation. Right. And what my sense is, and I could be wrong about this, but, like, you just flirt for the pleasure of it. And I'm wondering if you can talk a little bit about that and, you know, some of your flirt with. Give us some flirt wisdom.
Coco [00:23:17]:
Oh, my gosh, I will flirt with anybody. I will flirt with anyone. I don't care. Male, female, I don't care. Like, I'm doing it for the smile. I'm doing it for the smile. Like, one of the best things is, like, to just have somebody just smile back at you. A lot of people don't feel good.
Coco [00:23:37]:
Like, I'll tell you one of the weirdest things is, like, I'll give a guy, like, a fun little flirty comment, and it just blows his mind. And it's like, what kind of women are you around? Like, you're handsome. You need to get that more often. And it just blows his mind, you know? And of course, I'm kind of, like, got his attention, you know? But people, people forget that. Or I think, oh, God, how do I want to say this? Like, we love the attention. We love it when people make us feel good, but it's almost like people forget that it's reciprocal, that, you know, if you make somebody else feel good, you'll feel good. So I think that a lot of people, they don't flirt anymore and they're in their phones. And I swear, if one more person asked me, what dating app am I on? It's like, none.
Coco [00:24:36]:
It's like, how do you meet people? I travel, I get out, I do activities, I meet other people to have conversation, flirt with. Some people are responsive and some people aren't, but, and you just never know, like, who you're going to meet and doesn't have to be that. Like you said, the end goal of sex, it doesn't have to be about sex. It's just about feeling good. Sex is something that can make you feel good, but also flirting can make you feel good, too, especially if you're having a bad day.
Deborah [00:25:09]:
Yeah, well, and I love what I just want to underscore, you were saying, you know, to get the smile right. And I think that's such a, you know, that's such a powerful game, right? It's such a powerful game to be like, oh, this is the thing that I'm, that I'm trying to do. And I think, too, it's like one of the things that I think people, you know, and this kind of goes with the escalation is like, you can just have that momentous and it doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to be a big ongoing piece, I think sometimes. And it makes sense that a lot of people who, a lot of men are now concerned about flirting with women because they don't want to offend them, which makes perfect sense. And you just kind of, sometimes you don't know what you're going to get. And I think, you know.
Coco [00:26:13]:
Right, sorry.
Deborah [00:26:15]:
No, you were going to say something, I could tell.
Coco [00:26:19]:
And I think that still, like, when we go back to the femininity, you know, I think that people just get so offended, like, so quickly, and it's just like, just calm down, you know, like, you can tell if somebody's trying to be. But at the same token is sometimes people get so overly offended when. And it's just even in the United States, in the different regions, language is different and culture is different. And so many people, like, disregard because they don't understand, you know, that some things are just different in different areas. And people, like, I saw this one guy when I lived in Colorado. We had become friends because we were both from Georgia out there, and he was having, and he was totally flirting with this girl in a great conversation. And he was standing, like, kind of next to me and she was in front of him. So she's, of course, in front of the both of us, and he and I both see, like, a fight is brewing behind her, and he goes into, like, southern gentleman's safety mode, and just as the guy behind her is about to swing on the other guy, he moves her out of the way.
Coco [00:27:35]:
She completely flipped out. Like, she completely flipped out that he did that. And instead of seeing that it was chivalry, because if he would have said something, she would have gotten hit. He just took action. So it's like, I totally get, like, what you mean about, like, the fear of offending someone, but when are people going to kind of be open to understanding that? You might have to. Now, it would have been different if, you know, he pulled her, too, and, like, just kept her there. Then it's like, all right, get off of me. But, like, immediately him moving her out of the way, she was like, what the hell? It's like, why did you tell me? It's like, it would have been too late.
Coco [00:28:18]:
Like, at least he moved you, you know? But a lot of people just. The communication style, once again, is just so different, and people are in their phones and don't really communicate.
Deborah [00:28:30]:
Mm hmm, mm hmm. Yeah. And, I mean, I think, you know, I'll just say for my. From my position, there are definitely times when I'm like, do I say something? But, you know, it could be fun, but then, you know, I don't want to be taken the wrong way. I mean, I. My bestie flirts with everybody. It's. It's crazy.
Deborah [00:28:55]:
It's crazy. And, I mean, I certainly, you know, I love that about her, and I've certainly learned about a lot about that because, you know, as you say, it makes a person. It can totally change somebody's vibe and completely make their day to have somebody put their attention on you and have them put their attention on you. But I think that there's a definitely a feel.
Coco [00:29:23]:
There's.
Deborah [00:29:23]:
There's a feel when somebody is trying to flirt with a hook and when there's somebody who's kind of flirting just to sort of expand the, you know, expand the energy or, you know, what would you say about that?
Coco [00:29:41]:
Oh, gee. I mean, it's. It's awareness, you know, like, I. One of the things. And one of my private coaches, excuse me, my private coaching sessions, one of the things that I have people do is flirt with someone, flirt with the stranger, have a very indulging conversation, and at the end of the conversation, just walk away, and people are like, well, what if they want my number? No, no, just walk away. Well, shouldn't I give them my number? No, just walk away.
Deborah [00:30:20]:
And what's the thinking behind walking away?
Coco [00:30:23]:
That they're going to miss out on an opportunity, you know, and then it's like, and when I've asked somebody, well, what kind of opportunity do you think that you're going to miss out on? And they're like, well, I don't know. So. So it's like getting people just used to just being able to understand that, you know, sometimes it's not always about trying to hook someone for your own, because I almost feel like trying to take, like, if it's just a great conversation, just enjoy it and leave it where it is. That's where it's just supposed to be, instead of trying to force it to go longer, further, stronger, better, anything else. It's like, just enjoy that opportunity for what it was. Maybe you were having a bad day, or they were having a bad day. Maybe they're married, maybe you're married, maybe they're not. We don't know their situation.
Coco [00:31:18]:
Just enjoying it for what it is. We're not always missing out or have to take stuff with us.
Deborah [00:31:24]:
Right. Well, and I think, you know, as I'm hearing you say that, you know, this idea of scarcity comes to mind where it's like, oh, you know, this could be my one opportunity. And it's like, you know, it's funny when I, when I work with people around dating and finding, you know, I'm not a believer in finding the one. Right. The odds are just like, you know, the odds are pretty good that you're going to find someone. And, you know, I agree with that. The someone is going to match you in a way that, you know, that works for you. I mean, I'm not.
Deborah [00:32:01]:
I'm definitely not suggesting, like, you know, just take whatever comes along. I'm suggesting, you know, finding. Finding what works for you and finding the person that that's, you know, I used to say that you have, like, complementary neuroses. I'm not sure if that's the best way to describe it, but there you go. Like, you know, you've got to have that complementary, you know, style or interest or, you know, it's got to feel good to be in their presence. Right? What's that?
Coco [00:32:42]:
Your best friend?
Deborah [00:32:43]:
Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's interesting, I heard something the other day where they were talking about men tend to think of their partners as their best friend. Women tend to think of, you know, that's my partner and I have a circle of friends as well. And so I think that, you know, and, like, there's, I can't remember what the podcast was. But anyway, the point being that we have, you know, we have different people in our, different, in our lives that, that support us in different places in different ways. Like, you may have that friend that, like, you go to, you know, the horse races with or water aerobics or, you know, the mall or whatever, and maybe it's the same person and maybe it's different people that are, you know, filling those different needs for you.
Coco [00:33:44]:
Oh, I totally, I totally agree with that. I totally agree with that. Because, yeah, like, there's just some people where it's like, yeah, I can't really do that with you, especially, you know, with being in, you know, the industry, the culture that we're in. It's like, I can have, like, a lot of these conversations, you know, with my favorite cousin who, like, you know, I love to hang out with and shoot the shit and like, just, you know, that sort of thing. But, like, so I. Yeah, I totally see what you mean. But at the same token, I'm also one of those that I believe that, you know, my partner should definitely be my best friend, you know, for the most part. But even with my best friend, like, my best friend, best friend is a guy.
Coco [00:34:33]:
And I'm like, we would be perfect if only you like vagina or I had a dick.
Deborah [00:34:38]:
Well, there you go. Sometimes it's like that. I want to. So I want to bring you back to this idea of manifestation and because I know this is something that you work with a lot and in fact, you wrote the calendar on it. So I'd love to invite you to just talk a little bit about some of the things that you have manifested in your life and some of the steps you might have taken to do that and then maybe talk a little bit about how it all fits into the calendar.
Coco [00:35:19]:
Oh, man. I have manifested a lot over my years since, like, I want to say I started learning about manifesting in my mid twenties. I'm eight years old, and I, I have manifested cars, I have manifested trips. Like, I remember, like, on one vision board that I did, I was like, I want to wake up with the ocean at my feet. I'm going to wake up with the ocean at my feet. And damn it, if I didn't wake up one morning living in the Virgin Islands with the ocean at my feet with some cruise liners, like, coming in, like cars, money, like, I. Yeah, people, like, I definitely have had the opportunity to manifest. And manifesting.
Coco [00:36:13]:
Some people might agree or disagree. I don't know. I don't really care. But for me, like, manifesting, it's all about, like, knowing what it is that you want, keeping a high vibration and focusing on. It's like I'm marketing myself to position myself to get the things that I want. Understanding, sitting in those feelings, understanding who I am, and understanding that it's okay that I want what I want.
Deborah [00:36:40]:
Yeah, I think that's a big piece. Is, like, really not having the judgment of, I want what I want. You know, this is my desire and being right with your desire, if you will. So let's just take me through this. So how did you manifest a car?
Coco [00:37:05]:
Oh, my gosh. I mean, really and truly, it's just putting it out there. I really believe in, I don't know, casting spells, if you will, prayer for some, if you will, but just saying what it is. And I definitely have boundaries, but I'm definitely open to possibilities. I mean, like, I've had a couple of cars come in the sense of, hey. Like, oh, actually, my favorite. The first car that I ever manifested, I was 14 years old, and this is definitely aging myself. But that summer clueless hat just came out.
Deborah [00:37:48]:
Mm hmm.
Coco [00:37:49]:
Lulu, do you remember the white jeep? Like, with the tan seating? Like, I wanted that jeep. I had no idea I wanted that jeep. I didn't care. And I got that exact jeep. It was slightly different because I had the full doors, but the tan, like, it was the Sahara. Like, with the tan. Exactly. It.
Coco [00:38:12]:
I was 21 when I got it. And it was wild, like, because I'd always had it, like, on my mind. Like, I'd always, like, I test drove one, like, well, tried to, because that was when everything was automatic or stick shift. And I was working at this architectural firm, and I was in a car accident or. No, I had just my grandfather. Oh, that was a whole situation. But I didn't have a car anymore. I didn't have a car anymore.
Coco [00:38:42]:
And I was like, crap. And one of our vendors, he overheard me talking about how I needed to get a car, and he was like, hey, the owner of our company just so happens to just think about selling his jeep down at his beach house. And I was like, wait, what jeep? And they sent me pictures, and I went, and I was able to get a bank loan and got the check. And I had that jeep. I had the exact jeep. They had to drive it up from the beach. It had the big beach tires on it, and it was just one of the best things ever. I had to learn how to drive stick on it.
Deborah [00:39:28]:
Well, I love, you know, first of all, I love the, that, you know, it took that you point out that it took you from 14 to 21. So, because I think a lot of times people are like, oh, it's just going to drive into my life all of a sudden. And I also like to, you know, the reality check of, you know, you had to take certain steps to have what you wanted.
Coco [00:39:53]:
Yes. And you know what? I will say that depending on what it is, like, some things might just happen. You know, it could happen in like 30 seconds. All of a sudden, you know, it could start raining and you've been praying for rain or something like that. But I think that people, a lot of times in life, people want to control everything.
Deborah [00:40:15]:
Mm hmm.
Coco [00:40:16]:
You know, it's like, I could have said, I'm gonna get the jeep by working hard and saving up, and I'm gonna do it this, I'm gonna have it by this time. I'm gonna be like this. And it's like I'm kind of, I make sure that my vibration, especially when I'm manifesting my vibration is high, my energy is high. This is why I like to flirt with random strangers.
Deborah [00:40:38]:
What do you do to keep your, but your, your, your vibration high?
Coco [00:40:43]:
Flirting and just being happy. Really just being happy. Trying to stay within the good energy fields. Of course there's frustrations and things like that happen, but it's understanding once again, we go back to the healing and it's like, okay, it's going to be fine. It was an annoyance. It's cool, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. And then you just kind of, some things are easier than others, but you just kind of got to move away from it and just know that, okay, well, maybe there was a lesson in it, and so, but a lot of times people want to control, like, how it is. And one of my mentors, one of the biggest things he helped me learn with budgeting and getting an idea.
Coco [00:41:25]:
There's nothing wrong with having an idea of how things could go playing with your imagination, but when you try to make it a, you know, a hardcore plan, this is how it has to be. And using words like that, then it starts to really just crumble for you. Unfortunately, I saw it in a colleague of mine where, you know, she was kind of going through a struggle and no, like, she wouldn't expand on different opportunities. She wanted to stay where it was. If she couldn't control it. If she wasn't used to it, she didn't want to do it. And unfortunately, I mean, I haven't talked to her in a long time, so I don't quite know where she was and praying that she's crawled out of the hole, but she put herself further into the hole, you know, rather than just trying and just trusting.
Deborah [00:42:25]:
So it sounds like when you say that, that, like, there was something that wasn't working either in her personal life or business, and instead of kind of like, looking at the possibilities of, like, oh, well, maybe I could, you know, move or maybe I could offer something different or maybe I could get a part time job or maybe I could, you know, sell, sell something or, you know, but really stayed with, with a, with a. The tried and true, if you will. Is that accurate?
Coco [00:42:59]:
Yeah, no, totally agree. Totally agree with that. And unfortunately, I will say one of the things was unfortunately losing her apartment. And one of the things I had told her, one of the things that you never want to do is let an eviction go on your credit. And I was like, I know that it's scary right now, but you need to let the apartment go. Just let it walk away from it and take an abandonment, and then you'll just owe money on it instead of letting them actually come and remove you from the apartment. You know, just little things like that. Just like, this is going to stay and this is going to haunt you.
Coco [00:43:37]:
But she wanted to do it her way. Have to let it, you know, you can't. What is it? You can't. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.
Deborah [00:43:46]:
Right, right. Well, and so just going back to what you were saying about your mentor teaching you around budgeting and planning, I mean, those are the things that I profess those to be self care, but I don't always do them. However, I will say when I do do things like that, when I do have a better relationship with knowing my numbers, knowing what's real, then I can make adjustments. But if I don't actually know, there's no way to adjust.
Coco [00:44:25]:
Right? And so, like, one of the things that I love my mentor, I love chef. He's absolutely amazing. He's this older, like, danish guy that's just hilarious. But he's so, he's, like, seventies, and he is all about imagination. He has never worked a day in his life, if you let him tell it, never worked a day. But he always says, you know, just think about the possibilities that you have and write it down. Write about some of the possible, the possibilities of what can happen. And with part of that imagination, part of that budgeting is, well, if you could drive a Lexus, how much would it cost? Or drive a Range Rover or live in this neighborhood, how much is it going to cost? And understanding what, what your costs are going to be and kind of start ingraining in your mind is, well, let me position myself to where I'm around this, or I can achieve this.
Coco [00:45:25]:
So, like, I loved using, yeah, the imagination, the budgeting, to where it's like, well, if I had to buy a new Audi, how much would it cost? You know, just in case the universe doesn't give it to me, how much would it cost? You know what I mean? Because in, in a sense, that is the actual universe giving it to you and just accepting it. Maybe you can get a good deal on it. Can you tell? I just got a new car?
Deborah [00:45:53]:
Congratulations. I love hearing that.
Coco [00:45:58]:
But part of that was, it wasn't somebody giving it to me, but I got a killer deal, you know, to where it's like, I'll have it paid off in not that long. So it's like, it came to me in a different sense. So, and I've been screaming about, like, getting a new car, and it's like, no, I want to wait. I think I'm still in love with my Audi. And God bless, I got another one. So it's really just being open and having patience.
Deborah [00:46:32]:
Well, and so knowing what you want, taking the steps to move in that direction and then allowing for it to come to you in a way that may or may not look like the way you expect it.
Coco [00:46:49]:
I think instead of, how about we say it more so of knowing what you want and understanding that you deserve whatever it is that you want and listening yourself and imagining as if you already have it.
Deborah [00:47:04]:
Mm hmm.
Coco [00:47:05]:
So a lot of people, and like I said, because trying to think about so much about how to get it, you know, and what exactly what steps that you need to take to get it, that can fall into trying to tell the universe how you're going to do it, how it's going to give it to you, when the universe might have other plans for you.
Deborah [00:47:27]:
I love hearing that. So in a moment, I'm going to ask you to, you know, tell us a little bit more about your calendar and, you know, how people can, can work with you and get a hold of you. But first, I want to just let them know how they can support the podcast because, you know, sex is a complex subject and it makes or breaks, relationships. And unfortunately, most of us don't grow up in an environment where talking about sex is welcome. And that's why I offer my sexual mastery breakthrough session. It's a personalized, one on one experience so that you can have a more satisfying sex life. Let's face it, a podcast is not enough. Even as good as this one is.
Deborah [00:48:16]:
You need exercises, support, tools so that you can learn how to move through things and, you know, have a better life all around. So to learn more about the sexual mastery breakthrough session, please check out the show notes. Life is too short for bad sex, and I really want to support you in having better sex. So, speaking of better sex, I'm curious. Well, this leads into the question of, like, so how would you say that femininity can help bring more fun into the bedroom?
Coco [00:49:02]:
Well, I think that it's okay for us to define our own femininity. You know, like, whether you're a six foot one, gigantic, or maybe, you know, a brown girl, or maybe you have. Maybe you're an amputee, you know, like, you can always, always, always somebody's gonna love you regardless. Somebody is always gonna appreciate you, you know? So sorry, I got a little off track there and got excited, but, yeah. So I really just think. Sorry, say that again for me. I just totally giggled one more time.
Deborah [00:49:50]:
Well, I was just wondering, like, how. How does. How do you bring fun and femininity to support better sex?
Coco [00:49:58]:
Oh, yeah. Just. Really just being yourself. Like, if you feel like you're in feminine energy, just staying in it, because, like I said, everybody loves you regardless. Like, being in that feminine space is. I think that that within itself is its own fetish, you know, and how you bring in that feminine energy, because I think that feminine energy overall is a nurturer, its queen, you know, its provider, its, you know, more than anything, its nurturer for both bodies. So that's really my take on it.
Deborah [00:50:35]:
I love that. I love that. And then I really, you know, I love your calendar. So I'm going to invite you to tell us a little bit more about your six month manifesting calendar.
Coco [00:50:50]:
So it's all about sitting in your shift. It's all about sitting in your shift. Typically, it's like about six months, you know, to kind of find yourself, like. And it's really. It's undated. But the process that I have you take you, that I have you go through with the calendar, it's all about self recogniz, recognization, you know, from setting up your manifesting, what it is that you want in your life sitting with yourself. And I know, like, I've had some other, like, manifesting planners, and it's like, they fold out and there's just so much. And I wanted to really simplify it and put, like, little reminders.
Coco [00:51:32]:
So you've got, like, the budget that you started off with in the beginning and how to set up. Like, maybe there's body goals or maybe not body goals. Maybe you have clothing goals. Like, I like my body, but my style has changed, you know? So maybe wanting to work with that one story that I heard and that I'm familiar with is growing up always going straight to the clearance rack. You know, maybe you want to change that to where you get out of that habit because you've conditioned it. Put those clothes, like, on there, you know, check in. Like, where do you want to live? Like, one time I manifested a condo. I was like, my credit isn't good enough to buy this condo because it wasn't a rental property.
Coco [00:52:20]:
And sure enough, I was on my weight loss journey. And at a little party that we were having to celebrate our weight loss, I met the owners of a condo in the exact building, the exact same floor plan that were renting it out. See how things happen.
Deborah [00:52:41]:
I love that. All right, so we've had a lovely, wandering conversation. Flirty and feminine. Absolutely. And I'm just curious, like, if there's one thing that you want people to get out of our time together, what might that be?
Coco [00:53:00]:
Well, I definitely want people to understand that they can leverage their femininity for fun and profit. They kind of roll all into one. But it's okay to be in your feminine self, and it's okay to grow, and it's okay to heal. There's trauma. There's triumph in trauma.
Deborah [00:53:18]:
Beautiful. Thank you. And so where. Where can people find you?
Coco [00:53:25]:
So they can find me at thehope, nure.com. and I know that that's such a funny, like, spell, but it's t h e h e a u x p r e n e. Excuse me. U e r.com or Boston.
Deborah [00:53:47]:
It will be in the show notes, but I just wanted for those that are driving and listening, listening, because I know you're out there. So, Coco, thank you so very much. Any last words of wisdom before we go?
Coco [00:54:02]:
In the words of Dolly Parton, it's hard being a diamond in a rhinestone world.
Deborah [00:54:07]:
I hear you. All right. Beautiful. Well, thank you so much, Coco, for your time, your energy, and your flirt. And for those that are listening, if you know somebody who needs to hear what we've been talking about. Please share this share this episode with them. Like subscribe, leave a comment wherever you get your podcast episodes, and we'll see you on the next recording. Bye.