How To Be More Confident in Dating with Matchmaker and Dating Coach Dan Silverman
Dating can be stressful and intimidating at times, but it is also an excellent opportunity to connect with others, especially when you've found a good match. Whether you're a beginner to dating or looking for a refresher course in overcoming your dating fears, this episode is for you!
Today on The Better Sex Podcast, we have Matchmaker and Dating Coach Dan Silverman, who helps those singles prepare for fun dates by teaching them proven techniques for success. He offers immersive training to teach clients how to overcome dating fears and learned habits.
Tune in now and Learn how to be comfortable in the dating world!
Highlights:
(01:35) How Dan became a Matchmaker and Dating Coach
(05:12) Why Is Dating So Hard?
(09:56) How to know if two people are a good match?
(15:31) Why Women don't like to date ‘Nice Guys’?
(23:02) Dating and Consent
(35:39) Dating Tips for Introverts
(42:09) The Mastery Curve
(47:21) What does vulnerability look like in dating?
(50:330) How to deal with women's emotions?
Links:
Website: Dan Silverman Matchmaker Miami
LinkedIn: Dan Silverman - Miami, Florida, United States
Facebook: Dan Silverman - The Miami Matchmaker
Instagram: Dan Silverman (@matchmakerdan)
Twitter: Dan Silverman (@MatchmakerDan)
Deborah’s Links:
Send your sex and relationship questions to DeborahTantraKat@Gmail.com
For a free Truth and Clarity Session Appointments 3 — Deborah Kat Coaching
Website: https://www.deborahkat.com/
Email: deborahtantrakat@gmail.com
Facebook: Events Near Me | Facebook
Twitter: Deborah Kat (@TantraKat) / Twitter
In our commitment accessibility, help make this podcast more accessible to those who are hearing impaired or those who like to read rather than listen to podcasts. The transcription is far from perfect, and in some cases quite amusing. As we grow edited transcripts are on the list in the meantime please enjoy.
Unknown Speaker
Well, I'm not going to say like, all that fuck fuck shit Shut up, I'm not going to do that. I will curse. If I think that it's meaningful to curse.
Unknown Speaker
Well, there you go. And there are meaningful curse words. On that note, I'm gonna take a deep breath. And say welcome to the better sex Podcast the place to be if you want to have better sex and more meaningful relationships. My name is Deborah Kat, and I believe that a sexy world is a better world. And to that end, I have unfiltered conversations with all sorts of interesting humans. I just want to take a moment to say that this is an adult subject, and there may be some adult language coming from the adults in the room. So without further with no further ado, I'd like to introduce Dan Silverman. He is an international dating coach and a matchmaker, originally from Miami. He specializes in coaching the invisible nice guys to help them avoid the friendzone. And there's so much to unpack there. But first of all, I just want to say that Dan is new to me. And I am thrilled to have him joining me here on the podcast. So Dan, I, that's the short and sweet and official bio. But what I'm really interested in is your story. How did you get here?
Unknown Speaker
Well, it's a pleasure to be here. Thanks for inviting me on your show. And it's very nice to meet you, too, Deborah. So my story is, is a very sad one. I was I grew up as the nice guy. My mother basically taught me how to pick up women. And when you take advice from your mother about how to meet women, it's usually not going to be very helpful. And so after a series of heartbreaks, I finally got my very first girlfriend, and she wound up cheating on me with my best friend, among many other guys. And that was quite a shock. Because one minute you think someone's in love with you, and the next minute, all of a sudden you find this out, and then they leave you. So that kind of messed me up for a while. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I didn't get any closure from it. I couldn't figure out why it had happened to me. But I started doing searches online because that's when the internet really started to get going. And I looked up why these things had happened to me. I needed closer I asked questions to Google why why this that? And I figured it out. I found out a lot of things. And the more I understood, the better I felt it was like therapy for me. And it became a passion of mine. My father, my sister, both psychologist psychology runs in the family. I have a theatrical background, I have a degree in it. I used to be a professional actor. So psychology, performing arts, all this stuff kind of mixes in into dating coaching, because it's practical, Applied Psychology, body language, vocal tonality, it's a performance, especially when you're walking out meeting women or going on dates, you are portraying yourself in the best light as you possibly can. Right? So that's my background?
Unknown Speaker
And how is it that you started putting all these things together and decided, I think I'm going to be a matchmaker coach, like what was that? What was that like?
Unknown Speaker
People to practice with, because it's really scary to go out there on your own and try to get over your fear your insecurities about women. And when you have guys to do it with and friends, it just makes it a lot easier. So I would try to find friends. And I'd set up this group, like self improvement group in Miami to get guys to come together and practice. So I'd hold meetings and bring dudes together. Started out with just like maybe four or five people. And what I would do is since I was more advanced after a while than everybody else, I would just take guys out. And just for fun, because I wanted to train more wingmen to come out. I didn't want to do this by myself. And then someone gave me the idea, hey, you know, you should charge for this. And I said, you know, you're right. So one weekend I charged like $300 or 350 for like three day bootcamp where I take guys out, and I had two guys sign up. And I was doing it with another guy. And then that's how the whole business got started. Later on. You know, I started coaching women because I watched my sister fail miserably with every guy she was with. So she and I both have a pretty terrible history with dating. And I also really learned a lot from the female's perspective because of going I mean them so often. And finally, when you got both male and female clients, it's just sort of a natural progression to go into matchmaking because you want to set your clients up. So I turned out I was really good. I use the social skills I learned from dating coaching to pick up women for other men most of the time on men matchmaking for men, but I do work for women every once in a while.
Unknown Speaker
And I am curious when what is it that makes dating so difficult?
Unknown Speaker
Well, that's a real multifaceted answer. There's so many variables to it. And some people have very easy, but you know how I like to akin it to. Like, it's kind of like having a satellite television rights, this new technology because of the internet, because of social media, and Instagram, just online dating sites, there's, there's just so much access now. And people think that they have so many options, people believe each other or to be replaceable, you know. So, the way I see it, it's like, remember, when cable access TV came or not cable or satellite access came out. So for, basically, for men, it's like having a whole bunch of channels, and none of them work, right, you see a just a plethora of women online, but none of them ever swipe. And when you do swipe, it's somebody who like just wants you to go on their Instagram or their only fans account, or they don't even exist, they're like profiles that don't work. And for and for, like experience for women, you have 10s of 1000s of channels, but like they're all in Spanish, you know, or like, nobody can understand what it is, or they're just really garbage TV. And there's like, there's lots of options for women, but they don't like any of the options out. So that's why it's difficult. So for men, men have no options. And women have bad options. That's typically how it is for like the difference between men and women. And that's why I'm a big proponent of doing it the old fashioned way, which is a cold approach, where you go to events, or you meet a woman off the street, or you go to a festival and you meet women, particularly in things that you're like interested in. So you can find women who are like-minded. And when you meet someone in person, it's much easier to make an actual connection, it's also harder for them to lie to you, and misrepresent themselves. And as a guy who's pretty fit, like fairly average looking, I can get much better looking women in person than I ever could online. Because all a man has to do online, is to have really great photos, if he's not good looking, he's gonna have a very, very difficult time, he's not six feet tall, he's gonna have a very difficult time, but in person with your personality, you can get access to some pretty unique, wonderful, amazing and beautiful women.
Unknown Speaker
So it sounds like what you're saying is that meeting in person is far superior to meeting online. And it sounds like what you're saying that that men get to use their personalities. And that is kind of I would almost say their they are their secret weapon, because it's like, I don't think women necessarily are expecting that because of the swipe culture, would you agree? Did I get that? Right?
Unknown Speaker
i Yeah, actually, it's true. Women, I feel that they appreciate the approach a lot more than they used to maybe 10 years ago, because I've been doing this since 2006. Very few men are actually cold approaching unless they're terribly drunk, or the guy is like, extremely nervous when he does it. Usually, he's pretty drunk when he does it. If you can walk in and not act like you're drunk and just act like a normal person, and you're having fun. I mean, at the very least you can get a conversation started, it doesn't guarantee she'll be attracted to you. But you at least get your foot in the door. And even if she's got a boyfriend and isn't attracted to you, you're still making a new connection. And perhaps she has other friends she could hook you up with, perhaps she'll walk around the venue and meet other people with you. So there's lots of benefit to doing it. And it's a social skill that can apply to not only with women, but to your business, to networking and making friends. It's a universal skill to learn that applies all over your life, rather than just trying to do pick up.
Unknown Speaker
I love the image of you know, walking around an event together and introducing each other to people or kind of like, it's almost like the instant wing person.
Unknown Speaker
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Like I like to recruit. So for example, sometimes women we might not necessarily really like each other might not be very attracted to each other after the date, you know, it's just not going well. I'll still keep her around as a friend and I'll just bring her out when I go out. And then if I want to go and talk to a girl have her on my arm, we'll go meet girls together. Or I'll just throw like a you know, potluck or a party or something like that. And then just invite the girls I've been on dates with to come and hang out. And then you know, it's like, I don't have a party full of just dudes and I'm hanging out with, you know what I'm saying? And I can set my friends up with the women that maybe not necessarily I like or they don't necessarily like me. So it's like a win for everybody. But that's, that's part of my matchmaker side. I like to I like to set people up. It's good performer.
Unknown Speaker
I love that. And I'm curious, so So in terms of matchmaking, what is it that like? How do you know that two people are going to? Or? Yeah, how do you know that two people might be a good match?
Unknown Speaker
Okay, so there's there's two ways that I go about it. One is logically and then one is with instinct. The other one is interesting. So logically meaning I like, on my contract, it's very specific of what they're looking for, I make sure that they have it in writing exactly what they're looking for, I have them fill out a profile, to discuss what they're looking for what they're attracted to, I look at photos of the different women that they may have dated, or what they're attract, you know, all that stuff. And then that's going to really help me determine when I'm going for instinct, though, I've got to meet this client. And I need I like to go to their house and actually check the place out, sit with them, get to know them for an hour to really find out what their vibe is like, what the personalities like. And then that's where the instinct comes in. I think what would vibe what kind of woman vibe well with this guy, and I start to pay to paint a picture. And so through the process of matchmaking, when I set somebody up, if you know, I'll set up with what I'm thinking might work for them. If it doesn't work out at all, find out why. And then I'll improve upon that. Or if it works out great, but maybe there's a few things that are not right with them. Or maybe the woman doesn't like convinced certain way, I will use that utilize that information and do better with the next match. That's why I do unlimited matchmaking, whenever I do matchmaking because part of the process is really understanding who that person is, and their preferences, as well as who can who they can attract over time, so that way can really pick the best people for them.
Unknown Speaker
And on average, and I'm imagining there's probably a big range here. But on average, when you work with a matchmaking client, how long does it take for you to figure out or to help them find who they're looking for?
Unknown Speaker
So average, I would say it takes about two months, three months. But that's because maybe it'll be like three or four dates, until I really understand what is it like, sometimes, like I've had situations where the very first match, they wound up dating that person and I've had it where like the very last match is when it's when it's like it's so variable, there's a lot of there's a big luck factor in this. Because you're you're playing with so many variables here. Like, I always like to say you're not hiring a matchmaker to get you into a relationship or a marriage, even though the ultimate that is what you're looking for. But a matchmaker can't guarantee that it'd be unethical to do that I can't mind control the other person, Matchmaker is going to put people that are qualified for you pre qualified, pre screened, place them in front of you, and then it's up to you to seal the deal as the client, my job is just get people in front of you, you know what I'm saying?
Unknown Speaker
And then do you? Do you do a lot of coaching with your clients in terms of with matchmaking clients? Or?
Unknown Speaker
Oh, yeah, I won't take I won't take a matchmaking client on if they're not open to coaching. There's always a reason why someone's single, there's always a reason if they want to, if they want to be in a relationship, and they're not in one. There's a reason why. And usually you can find that out. And then they need coaching. So there's a difference between matchmaking clients, and dating coaching clients. Typically, I'm not saying all of them, but in general, coaching clients realize they have a problem and want to fix it. And they want to put in the work because they realize they need help. Whereas a matchmaking client hasn't necessarily figured out that they're the fucked up one, right? And that then they think, Oh, I just haven't met the right person. Maybe they're pushing the right people away. But they come hoping to get someone on a soap be handed somebody on a silver platter, no problem, because those ones who don't want any of the help or can't be convinced that there's something going on at a progress possibly causing that they're not willing to do the work. If they if they are not like that, then you know, they don't I'm not willing to take coaching. I'm not going to work for them. But in general, like a lot of matching clients don't think they have a problem. They don't want coaching. They just want to be handed people understand. Yeah, so
Unknown Speaker
basically, what you're saying is the matchmaking clients come to you and they're like, can be my person and you're dating your son, and then you're dating clients, for the most part. Some of them come to you and they're like, well, this isn't working for me. Can you help me figure it out?
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, all dating coaching clients realize they have a problem or they're dealing with someone and they know there's something messed up, right? They come to me seeking help, but a lot of match-making clients. A lot of them don't think that there's something or there's an issue that they need resolved. They don't feel like they need coaching. If they come to me saying they don't feel they need coaching. I noticed that some work for that's actually a qualifier for me. I mean, you're signing somebody up for six months. It's a relationship. I only take on very few clients a year most of my clients are dating coaching Quiet.
Unknown Speaker
And I'm curious, I want to come back to the, you're talking about the invisible nice guy. And I'd love to hear more about what you have to say about the invisible nice guy and, and what it is that keeps them sort of you mentioned the friendzone. And I'm curious if you want to talk a little bit about that.
Unknown Speaker
Okay, so the friendzone is, I mean, the, the invisible nice guy, you know, it's the guy who's always a friend. That's the guy who, at the end of the day, when a woman gives me feedback about the date, she says, Oh, he's such a nice guy. You know, he's really great, but I just didn't feel it. Or all I just didn't really feel the chemistry, but I'm sure you'd be great for somebody like he's such an amazing sweet guy just didn't feel it. That's the invisible nice guy. There's an OKCupid
Unknown Speaker
Oh, yeah, quite
Unknown Speaker
well. So I'm kind of curious. Like when you hear somebody say, there wasn't any chemistry. What do you think they're really? What are they looking for? What are they saying?
Unknown Speaker
That's that's
Unknown Speaker
that's basically woman ease for I wasn't attracted to him. That's a nice way of saying I don't find them attractive.
Unknown Speaker
Oh, okay.
Unknown Speaker
I'm carrying on sometimes women don't know what they're looking for. To answer that question. Yeah, generally speaking, the way you make women feel attraction is you make them feel emotions, lots of emotions, both negative and positive on a date. That's something the nice guy does not to he's very pleasant. He sticks to one emotion the entire time, which is comfort and he never builds attraction.
Unknown Speaker
So to be clear, what you're saying is that like, he isn't he's he's comfortable. He's not and there's not a lot there's not an emotional roller coaster. Is that accurate? Yeah.
Unknown Speaker
I mean, that's, that's not specifically he does not make her feel attraction. He doesn't push her buttons. He doesn't create edge. That's something that assholes do extremely well on dates, is the woman can't quite figure the guy out. He's a mysterious, he's not easily won over. He feels that the woman is lucky to be on a date with him rather than the other way around. He tries to find reasons for her to qualify to him. He's a badass. But he's funny, even though he's arrogant, he's funny and he makes her laugh. Whereas the nice guys supplicating and trying to prove himself to a woman and it's so easy as she hardly had to work to get his approval.
Unknown Speaker
So it definitely sounds like the seduction world or the what do they call it these days?
Unknown Speaker
I don't I don't know talking about dating coaching. No,
Unknown Speaker
I'm not I can't I can see the guy like there's there were a bunch of guys for a while. Who were not not the seduction world? It was before that it was the
Unknown Speaker
pickup artists, good pickup artists. Thank
Unknown Speaker
you.
Unknown Speaker
Well, actually, so pickup artistry is one subset of just the whole dating sphere. There's lots and lots of like communities inside of the whole like sphere of, you know, men self-improvement pickup artistry the most definitely was way back then, like the heydays was the early 2000s is when it all started out with, I would say mystery, and then the game came out. But yeah, I don't really associate with the pickup artists industry. A little sleazy. Even though I do a lot of what they like I do a lot of the business that they do, I do take guys out in the field and practice. And a lot of the theories behind what I teach do come from pickup. But I try to take good positive elements of everything that I know. And then bring it in to a style that nice guys can use. So I don't like to use a lot of the real dark stuff. Although a lot of the dark stuff can be very effective. That's why they used it. But I'm not trying to teach nice guys to be I'm not trying to teach them how to be manipulative. I'm trying to teach them how to compete with the muscles.
Unknown Speaker
Ah, so and just to be clear, when we talk about The dark stuff protecting sort of Gnosis, the conditioning. Is that would that be accurate?
Unknown Speaker
Oh, wow, you're I think you might specifically be talking about speed seduction, I think is, which is Ross Jeffries. I don't use any of that stuff. I'm aware of it. I don't really use that, because it's kind of weird. I like to use more of a natural style game. So I try to teach concepts and then have the guys create their own style using those concepts like a freestyle, kind of like improv improvisa
tion. So it's I have a theatrical background, I don't like to specifically give guys lines, I like to teach them the concepts and have them come up with their own lines. It's more authentic that way. But I do know you're talking about I don't use like hypnosis and implying words and embedded commands like that's all silliness, there's no reason to do that. It's just a lot of extra work, in my opinion.
Unknown Speaker
So tell me a little bit about some of the concepts that you that you teach. Nice guys.
Unknown Speaker
Okay, so
Unknown Speaker
I like to teach them a structure. So I teach them the structure about how a date should go first date, second date, third date, I like to teach them the structure of pickup when you first meet a woman listen strange woman out of nowhere, all the way to creating a sexual romantic relationship with her. I also like to teach some structure on how to escalate things, from like completely platonic to a sexual relationship, it's important for men to learn these things, because usually the responsibility of escalation is on the man, women are very rarely going to make the first move. And if the guy does not do that, generally speaking, it kills the attraction because either a the woman is gonna feel rejected or be she's going to think the guy is weak. And so it's it's important to teach guys how to be the assertive masculine force in the relationships they have with women. Oftentimes, what I get complaints from, like women, and particularly female clients that most guys are just very, like, passive, and effeminate. And they don't really like have the balls what they say, say that, to me a lot, actually, some teaching these guys how to do that. But in a way that's like comfortable, keeps a woman feeling comfortable, and makes it fun. That's a really big, important part. So a lot of guys feel lost, this stuff isn't taught in school, their fathers failed them and didn't teach them this stuff, either. And their mothers are teaching them completely the wrong things as well. Their mothers all have good intentions, I'm sure. They're teaching them how to be, you know, a better servant to a woman, not not a man that a woman can respect and admire and be attracted to.
Unknown Speaker
And in terms of the I'm curious, so here on the West Coast, one of the things we talk a lot about is consent. And I'm curious how that fits into your framework.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, okay. So let's just take it from like an escalation, like physical escalation. So I teach, I teach some concepts in physical escalations for dice, guys, because they really don't know what they're doing. And oftentimes, nice guys, err on the side of huge caution, they won't make moves. And then of course, it fizzles out, the asshole doesn't care, he just goes for it. But he makes women uncomfortable. But he oftentimes will get women a lot more than the nice guy will because he at least tries. So when it comes, when it comes to consent, if you just straight up ask a woman every single time you're going to make a move or some sort of physical escalation, then you're going to kill the anticipation. You don't necessarily ask all the time, I had to be careful about the things that I say here. You know, don't eat paint or things that are very obvious. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you're making a huge bold move, it's not a good idea without asking for consent. What I'm talking about is you start slow and work your way up. So for example, you're not going to ask consent to hold a woman's hand, you're going to like what like, say, for example, when you're going about to walk across the street, you might put your hand out and say, Here, let me help you or something like that, or whatever. You just sit here, and you hold you hold your hand out, right? You don't say Hi, can I hold your hand? That's like, makes that's really cringe worthy. And so she can either accept it and hold you hold your hand back or not. Right? Or let's say, you know, you guys are cuddling. And, you know, and she's allowing you to like, pet her hair, and she's looking into your eyes. These are all subtly subtle implications that she wants you to kiss her. So you will slowly go into kiss her. And then you do it. If she doesn't want to kiss you. She can always move her head away. Or she can always like say No, right? But you're not going to be straight up asking for every single thing you do. That's where I disagree with a lot of people that teach this consent stuff. And so to help nice guys out figuring out how can sent works. Like, basically what I tried to teach him is you want to you want to make your moves when you can when you find opportunities to do so, but never at the expense of the woman's comfort. Because if you go past her comfort zone, you're you're making things worse for yourself, you don't want to try to rush towards sex, when you do that she can feel it. And then that completely destroys the genuine connection that you're building up, like physical touch, and escalation should be a reward, rather than steps to get to sex. Right. That's the first thing that needs to be said. The second thing is, I like to have there's there's two concepts that I always teach one is two steps forward, one step back, and then another one I call red light, green light, yellow light. So two steps forward, one step back means is, you make your move, like say, you hold your hand out for the cross the road with her, and maybe she grabs your hand you walk cross the road, you can go ahead and let go. But once you cross the street, and what that does is it creates a vacuum of space that she's going to want to fill. Because she if she liked it, she's going to enjoy that want you to do that again. So women almost never make the first move. But as a guy, if you've made the first move, she's now going to feel okay to make that move now that you did it. So that way, it's mutual escalation. You're the one that starts it, but she's the one that she can also continue to do that she can also continue, like say, for example, if you kiss a woman for the first time, you know, maybe you make up for the first time and you pull away instead of just try to escalate further and further and she's letting you do that. You take you lean back after you're kissing almost like okay, we gotta calm down here, let's just kind of drive me crazy to keep my brain okay now, right? Almost like telling her like, she's the one to do. Yell, right. It's like, I'm just trying to get to know your lives. This is chill for a second. All right, my like, so bad. Like, you're accusing her of doing that, you're creating that space, you stop kissing, creating that space, where now she's gonna want to start kissing, that gives her an opportunity to escalate on you, you've made the first move. So now she's not going to be afraid to get rejected, she'll go ahead and start kissing you. So you're creating nice opportunities where you're both escalating on each other. But as the man it's your job to make the first move, right? So let's two steps forward one step back, creating that space. The second concept is vitally important to not getting me to when you're on your dates. All right, red light, yellow, green light, there are three responses you're going to get when you make any sort of move any sort of escalation. So let's use kissing for example. Okay? If I go if I go in to give a woman a kiss, right? And, and she kisses me back, maybe she puts her tongue down my throat, maybe she grabs my face or my head pulls me in, right and really getting into it, that would be considered a green light. And what a green light means yes, I liked this. Please keep going. You can escalate more. That's what that means. I'm enjoying this escalate no more. But remember, holding onto the two steps forward one step back concept. You don't just aggressively go for it. I mean, of course, she's really pulling you in and she's trying to escalate maybe would. There are times where this is nuanced, right? Well, let's just say she makes out with you and pulls you in and really enjoys it, you're still going to pull back and create that two sets form of setback. But the next time you go in for another move, you can now make it more intense, that's a green light to escalate further, you can make it make it more intense the next time you try to escalate, but you're not trying to just go as fast as you possibly can. That just destroys the sexual tension with women. Yellow light would be the next one. So let's say go in and the woman like maybe turns her head and smiles. I'm sure a lot of guys have experienced that men never do that. That's not something men do. But women will absolutely turn their head and smile away, like not let you kiss them. But they'll smile like that you tried. That would be a yellow light. And what that represents is, that's this is my maximum comfort level. I don't want to go past this. I'm okay with this, but don't go past this point. That's what that means, right? And so when you get a yellow light, all that says is don't make it more intense than what you just did. Or let's say for example, let's do the whole hand holding thing. We walk across the street, I reach my hand out, right? And when she grabs it, it's sort of like loosey-goosey. She's not really squeezing it. It's she's just sort of letting me do it passively. That would be considered a yellow light. I need some more comfort to build with her before I do anything more intense than just a handhold or any sort of physicality that's less intense than that I am okay to do it. And but nothing more. Nothing more than that yellow light is you're getting close to my comfort boundary. Right? And now of course the red light is where you've reached that comfort boundary and you've gone too far. You probably escalated too quickly. That's if you go into go for a kiss and she's like, whoa, what are you doing? Like that, right? You move in? She said, Well, what are you doing like that? Like Carrie, chill, sorry. You know, no big deal. You just show back. Don't escalate again for a while. Take your time you've gone too fast. You sacrifice comfort. Now you got to kind of go back stop. are slow again, start everything new. Let's say I put my hand out, right? She doesn't take my hand and she's just leaving me hanging. Okay, I'll put my hand back in my pocket and not try to do that again for a long time. Right. So that's how, you know red light means that you've pushed it too far. Don't keep pushing, go back and start over. He pushed it too far. So I think that really helps out with guys in terms of consent. Yeah, no, it sounds,
Unknown Speaker
it sounds really great. I love that. And I really like the idea of, you know, holding your hand out and waiting for the response. As, you know, physical consent as much as verbal consent. When would that be?
Unknown Speaker
I will give them an opportunity to say no, yeah, it gives them an opportunity to say no, so it's almost like implied consent. If you see a guy moving closer to your face, and taking like five seconds or three seconds to get there, you've got a long time to say no, if you're grossed out by that guy, right? And you can say, No, it gives you an opportunity to instead of just jumping in there without you ever having an opportunity to reject it.
Unknown Speaker
So what I'm what I'm really hearing is, is, you know, speed matters, that the dance matters, that two steps forward, one step back, creating space for weaning in and leaning out. Yeah. And, and really tuning into, like, you know, is this a red light? Is this a yellow light? Is this a green light?
Unknown Speaker
Yes. And as you practice these things like this is a nice starting point. But as you practices and get a lot of experience, you'll start to notice patterns of female behavior. And you'll you'll pick up on signals where it's like, I'm getting huge green lights, right? Before you even try to escalate. So like, if you ever think about some women, where maybe you've like, hooked up or make made out with a guy within less than five minutes, that happens because the woman is giving out signals that she wants to be kissed. And this takes practice to be able to see like, you have to have experience to notice these things. If the woman is getting really close to rubbing her leg on you, she's physically escalating on you. She's like, petting her hair, giving you all the signals that she wants you to do that, that takes that takes experience to really develop and hone that skill. But just for any guy who's starting out, which is typically the nice guy, he's really just starting out learning Dating Skills, he should follow the two steps forward, one step back rule and the red light green light, yellow light.
Unknown Speaker
And then it sounds like one of the things we talked about earlier that I thought was really fascinating is this idea of heading out into the field, if you will, and getting to actually play with this. I'm curious, when you when you go out for an evening, and you're kind of going out? Like, do you think of it as hunting? Do you think of it as playing? Are you? Are you more curious? What are you? What is my question here? My question is like, how much of a goal Do you have? When you head out?
Unknown Speaker
That's a really good question. It really varies. Sometimes I just want to go out to have fun, I don't really care what's going on. If I happen to meet a cute girl, I'm out great, but it's not like the objective. Other times, I'm like, Okay, I really want to meet somebody. So I'm going to do this amount of approaches, or I'm gonna really make an effort to meet a lot of women tonight and see where I can take it right. So yeah, there's like various, there's various objectives that go out. But I think for a guy who's starting out with this, like the ultimate goal, I think for a guy to be successful women, he needs to have options. So I feel like innately women have options. They just don't like most of their options. But men have absolutely no options. And in order to compete in order to be valued by women and not disrespected, she has to believe that he has options. And he genuinely needs to have options. That way, when he picks a woman that will ultimately be who he spends most of his time with, or a girlfriend or a wife. He's picking out of abundance, not because this is the only woman giving him attention. So if he's first starting out, he really should go out and make it work. Like he needs to put in the work. And General guys have lots of anxiety when they go out. It's not going to be fun at first, they got to get through what's called beginner's hell. And that takes roughly about three months or so if they go out regularly. It'll take about three months, where their approach anxiety goes down and they start to really enjoy because they're starting to notice little pieces success here in there. Now from my perspective, the I've been doing this since 2006. I don't feel the need to constantly go out practice practice, especially since I'm going out with my clients a lot and taking them Mountain practicing anyway, I'm out there all the time. So when I go out, it's just mostly for fun if I meet a great woman, great, but let's say I was dating somebody, and I was really getting kind of serious. So they're, you know, I'll be Lovey Dovey, and I wasn't really like talking to other women, and that falls through. And I'm heartbroken best believe I'm gonna get back out there and get back on the horse because I've probably gotten soft with my skill set. This is a social muscle that needs to be maintained just like going to the gym. If you stop exercising, you lose that muscles, the same thing with social skills. So yeah, it depends right now these days, it's usually just to have fun. It's just to go out and have fun if I meet a girl, great if I don't, I don't.
Unknown Speaker
So what would you say to the guy who's like a total? Introvert, you know, what do you say to him?
Unknown Speaker
Well, there are a lot of extremely charismatic people who are introverted, Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi. You know, there's, I'm sure there's some presidents that are very introverted, that are extremely charismatic charisma is a skill that can be learned. Yeah, most people who are charismatic, they're just naturally charismatic. It's a talent. Just like with acting, you can learn how to act and not just rely on your talent. If you're talented, and you're skilled, you're a force to be reckoned with. But you don't need to be like a ladies man, like some master pimp G or whatever. To get attention from women, you know, I mean, most guys are not looking to be huge players, most guys are just looking to have a nice girlfriend that they love, who's pretty that they're attracted to, that they can be with, they're fine with just one woman. So you don't need to be Mr. Pimp. What you do need his options, right?
Unknown Speaker
To your clients much about women's pleasure.
Unknown Speaker
If they asked me about it, yeah, absolutely. I won't get to that, though, unless they're about to have a question like that. Generally speaking, nice, guys very rarely get to that point at all. But if I'm having if I have a client who's going to be taking a date home, he's like, maybe I think his second or third date. He's inviting her over? And absolutely, I'll tell him exactly what he can do. Yeah, for sure. I teach about that stuff. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker
Awesome. Um, this is kind of an odd question. But, you know, along with along the lines of, of sex and pleasure, I'm curious what you if you have conversations about, like, reproductive responsibility?
Unknown Speaker
Not really, that's on them to do what they want to do. I mean, I, as far as, as what they decide to do with their sex lives that's on them. They asked me about what I my opinion on it, I'll discuss it. But in general, it's not really what they're paying me for. I mean, if they asked me, I'm going to say, yeah, you wouldn't definitely want to be protected. And, you know, if you're going to do it unprotected, you might want to get checked and have her get checked. I usually recommend Don't be having unprotected sex with someone you're not going to be having sex with for a long period of time. You know, it's much safer to be using condoms, even though a lot of people hate them. I don't personally like them either. But I use them. I use them because, you know, I want to have a dick in 10 years. You know,
Unknown Speaker
I don't want to be good strategy. Yes. And
Unknown Speaker
I get tested three to six months, every three to six months, depending on how sexually active I am. But yeah, they asked Yeah, I do that for sure.
Unknown Speaker
And I want to I want to circle back just a second to talk about a little bit about charisma. And I mean, I kind of think I know I think I know what that is. But I'm curious what you would say charisma is
Unknown Speaker
charisma is the ability to influence people it's the ability to make people like you it's ability to get what you want from people as well he could call that manipulative but I call that influential. Right? It's it's you are you are able to create an energy in the room that you are in you are you have the ability to become the center focal point of that group that people want to know and get no nice things for your, your the athlete, but that's charisma.
Unknown Speaker
And you say That's a learned skill.
Unknown Speaker
It can be a learned skill. Some people naturally have it, but it can be learned.
Unknown Speaker
And is it me Tell me more?
Unknown Speaker
Sure. I mean, what would you like to know about it? I mean, everything that I've been teaching is, is are these are all skills. You know, I was not naturally good at this stuff. That's why I'm saying it can be it's a learned skill. Absolutely.
Unknown Speaker
Well, I guess I imagine when you talk about charisma and like being able to change the energy in a room, you know, that starts to get sort of more into the like, I would imagine that that gets into a whole different, it probably comes out of the head and out of the logic and goes in other directions,
Unknown Speaker
necessarily, not necessarily, you can use a bit of both people who are naturally charismatic probably don't think about this stuff, they probably don't use their head, they just go with what they're feeling. There's probably elements to both of it. You could say, it's just like with acting. And acting classes, you know, when they when they're training you, you already have sort of this natural talent. Or maybe you don't, there's actually two schools of thought. And theater just says a little history here, you've got the inside out and the outside in approach. So one is one is like, one is where you were like trying to really feel what that character would feel and genuinely feel those emotions. And it's not acting, it's actually not acting at all, you're actually portraying believable emotions, because they are real emotions that you're making yourself feel in the acting process. Whereas more of a technique base, you're thinking about, okay, what is the objective? What is the conflict? How, how would this character respond in this certain way, and then portray that it's very mechanical. So you can be absolutely mechanical with your charisma, or you can naturally, naturally create it with your with how you feel, and with your instincts. For me, I use elements of both I mix, I mix the two, because after a long time, once you learn this stuff, you don't have to think about it anymore becomes a part of you, you're just naturally good at it. It's just like, whenever you're really good at something, you don't have to really think about it, you're just good at it now.
Unknown Speaker
I love that that's basically taking, taking the pieces, bring them together practicing and sort of the skill is no longer a practice piece. It's just more on the natural side of things.
Unknown Speaker
Right? It's, it's, if you ever heard of the mastery curve?
Unknown Speaker
Is that when you're maybe, but I'm not sure. So I'm gonna say tell me. What is the mastery curve?
Unknown Speaker
Okay, I'll give a brief brief rundown of it. So any skill that you learn, typically, you're going to go through four stages of it. The very first stage is unconscious incompetence. That's where that's usually where nice guys are, they fall into they, they really suck at them. They don't realize that they suck. They just they keep screwing up their dates and like, oh, another one. Maybe I'll meet another one, right? And then finally, your girls like, you know, you need to learn some game. Maybe you go to maybe go to coach Dan Silverman is Senate let me let me give you his card. That's where he really is. Okay, now I'm consciously incompetent, I see what I'm doing wrong. Dan is teaching me all the things that I'm doing wrong. And I need to correct these. Oh, I see. That's why I keep screwing it up. Oh, I've been too nice. Oh, it keeps sucking up to the woman. So that's conscious incompetence, you realize that you're doing things wrong. The next step is conscious competence. You can only do it right? When your mind is absolutely focused on it. If you're not thinking about it, you're gonna do it wrong, you have to be very aware of what you're doing. So I might give a guy a technique and he actively has to think about it while he's doing that technique. Because if he's not thinking about it, he's not going to use that technique. Or if he uses it, he's not going to apply properly, right? That's conscious competence. But with enough practice, if he does it several times, where it becomes second nature, then he gets to the last step of the mastery curve. And that's unconscious competence. You will now do it correctly, and you no longer have to think about it is become a part of your instinct.
Unknown Speaker
Got it. And that is the mastery mastery curve. Yeah. I'm curious. So I know you were an actor for a while. What was your favorite role that you ever played?
Unknown Speaker
I always loved playing the bad guys. Any Cyclops where I got to eat someone on stage. I got to play the Big Bad Wolf and Papa Bear. Those are all fun.
Unknown Speaker
See ya. And Children's Theater. Yeah, I
Unknown Speaker
did a lot of children's theater. I also played Captain Hook. Yeah, I loved playing the bad guy.
Unknown Speaker
What do you like about the bad guy?
Unknown Speaker
Cuz the bad guy has no rules and he's got more personality. He like he gets to do whatever he wants. He has fun. He's the rebel. He's like fuck society. I'm gonna do whatever the hell I want to do. You know, I like to think of myself as a very nice person. But it's nice to be it's it's nice to have some of that darkness come out when I'm on stage where I really get to let loose on my shadow. And you know, usually the bad guy is generally just a very misunderstood, traumatized character. That's why he's bad. He's been he's no he's used an outcast of society shunned.
Unknown Speaker
Well, and is it you know, it's funny as he said that about like you Not having rules. What I imagined for the nice guy is that his rules are, there's too many rules. The list is long about, you know, the rules and how to do things. It was,
Unknown Speaker
What do you mean? What rules? What are you talking about?
Unknown Speaker
Well, I would imagine that, you know, the nice guy has rules about like, how he's going to how he's going to show up and how he's not going to show up and who, you know, like intern or ternal? Maybe internal rules? Am I?
Unknown Speaker
No, I don't think so. And the reason why I say that is because nice guys don't know what the hell they're doing. They're lost. They don't know what they're doing. They don't know any rules at all. I would argue that when I start teaching them things, I give them rules to follow. So that way, it gives them structure. Once you get good at this stuff, you can start breaking those rules. But in general, in the very beginning, you do need to follow pretty rigid rules, because you're, you're now you are consciously competent. So if I make you think of too many things, as a guy, I make you think of way too much stuff. And being flexible and all over this, it can get really overwhelming. So I like to give some general guidelines to follow and then once you master those, you can start to play with your own style and start to play with other concepts. Understand, okay,
Unknown Speaker
yeah, so instead of, instead of having too many rules, they don't have
Unknown Speaker
they don't know what the rules are. They're lost.
Unknown Speaker
Ah, got it. It's almost like they got the wrong rulebook.
Unknown Speaker
They don't have any rules. They don't even they haven't even read the rulebook.
Unknown Speaker
Ah, well, I guess I was just sort of going on the idea where you were saying you, you know, your, your mom taught you about dating? And oh, imagine what her rules would be very different than, you know, the guy down the blocks rules?
Unknown Speaker
Oh, yeah. She every single thing she told me was exactly the opposite of what I teach.
Unknown Speaker
I'm so curious. To give me an example of something she told you,
Unknown Speaker
you should tell her how you feel she'll really appreciate that
Unknown Speaker
are like, what else? Well, why don't you be vulnerable with her? And then maybe she'll be your girlfriend. You should show up with flowers. shelf of flowers, it'll make her feel special.
Unknown Speaker
So where does Where do your feelings and vulnerability come in?
Unknown Speaker
Or do you? That's a really good question. That's a really good question. Because I'm not trying to teach guys how to be robots. So vulnerability needs to be earned. Trust needs to be earned. And not to say that you shouldn't trust women at all. There's just degrees that you would trust someone, if you met a stranger, would you just let them stay at your house for a week straight? Now you'd like to get to know that person first. Right? You're not going to share your deepest, darkest innermost secrets of someone right off the bat, you got to build trust with that person. So over time, you gradually let them get to know deeper sides of you like peeling the layers of an onion. Every every time that they show and reveal themselves, you start to reveal yourself. It's a process, right? So when it comes to sharing a vulnerability, I think the very best time to share a vulnerability is when you clearly have attraction from her. And she's thinking, wow, I really like this guy, but I don't know anything about him. That's when you can start to really reveal stuff. Right? Let's say things are going really well. And she's putting an effort into making a relationship work with you, then absolutely, you want to be more communicative. You want to be more open about your desires, your wants, even some of your insecurities. However, I never think it's a good idea to break down and lose your shit, lose your emotions and lose control of your emotions. When you're around a woman. Or at least a woman, I mean, a woman that you are trapped in some sort of some form of sexual romantic relationship with. I think that's always a very bad idea for men, because women innately can't stand weakness, even though they say they want a guy who cries and while that they generally don't stay with guys like that, if you if you as a man have a lot of issues, and you really can't hold yourself together, go talk to your boys about it, go talk to a therapist about it, go talk to your female friends about it. Don't talk to your lover, because that's going to turn her off. And so really, it's I hate to say that we all like to live in fantasy land where we can cry in front of our woman, but that generally turns them off. So that's where I that's where I draw the line, you don't cry, you don't lose your emotional control over them because women look to us as men as a masculine man in their life, for support as their stability. We're the ones that are supposed to keep them keep them emotionally stable, right? We're the one we're the rock that they can depend on. If we show that kind of weakness that they perceive as weakness, they will lose attraction for us we have we can be upset. We can talk about a vulnerability or what's bothering us but you can't start crying in front of her or yelling and screaming. All those things show weakness. You don't do that you don't show lack of emotional control around women. I think there's only one exception. Like if a family member dies or like your dog dies or something really close to you dies, I think that's a, that's like one of the only exceptions to the rule, anybody would cry in that situation.
Unknown Speaker
So, and then on the other side of that, how do you deal with women's emotions?
Unknown Speaker
All right. So
Unknown Speaker
that's it's such a large question to answer, because there's so many things that can happen when she's showing you emotions in a disrespectful way. Or if she's showing you emotions, because she really cares. You know, there's so many different ways to apply that question. Do you have something specific? Or you want me just give you a generalized answer to that?
Unknown Speaker
Um, I didn't have anything specific. I was just kind of curious. It's like well, when you said, you know, women don't want to hold men's emotions.
Unknown Speaker
They don't, I didn't say that. I said, you don't want to lose your emotional control over a well rounded woman, you can reveal your vulnerabilities or say what's upsetting you. But you don't lose your emotional pool around when we don't start crying or screaming or whatever around a woman you? You don't do that. That's what I said. Okay. You can share vulnerabilities. Absolutely. But you don't lose your shit around women.
Unknown Speaker
So and losing your shit is yelling, screaming, crying.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, exactly. Really intense. Like you're losing your cool. You never lose your cool around women ever. Oh, at least women that you're dating. You can lose your cool around your female friends. They don't care. Your if they're not attracted to you anyway, right? Usually not.
Unknown Speaker
You have it? Oh, so tell me about your female friends. Like what? Do you you know, what's that experience? Like?
Unknown Speaker
What? Okay, well, I was gonna answer your other question, though, about the how do you handle women's? Well, that's a pretty good question.
Unknown Speaker
Let's start with that then. And then I'm curious about because, you know, there's all the rhetoric about like, oh, men and women can't be friends, blah, blah, blah.
Unknown Speaker
All right. I'll talk about that, too. Okay, so. So let's just say so when a woman is having crazy emotions, like I said, you want to be the rock, right? It's important that a so it really depends on how much investment you to have had. I, I'm very forgiving when women lose their shit around me. Because I understand I'm very hard to date, a trigger a lot of jealousy. I'm a dating coach, I'm a professional flirt. And I tend to like very feminine women and feminine women tend to be more emotional. So I understand that that's just part of the price to be with a really feminine woman. So if I get intense emotions, it really depends on what's going on. If I see that she's really upset, I'm going to give her love. I'm going to, I'm going to make her feel valued. If it if it's genuinely, she's being vulnerable with me. And that's why she's losing her shit. Because she's sad or afraid. I'm going to sue that. But then after I've calmed her down and got her into an emotional state where she's calm, I'm going to tell her or teacher guide her how to communicate better without losing your shit. I'm gonna say listen, if you're ever feeling jealous, sweetheart, if like you ever feel like I don't love you, whatever it is, I need to tell her, you need to let me know before it starts to get too bad. I know, I hate seeing you get like this, it really hurts me to see you get so upset. I want you to be happy with me. I don't want you to be insecure, you know. So I might say something when she's in a calm state. Now, if it's disrespectful behavior, generally speaking, like say, for example, she's like screaming or yelling, calling me names because she's upset, right? If it's something like that, she loses her shit. I'm not going to take it personally. Because I understand. Like I said, when we could get emotional sometimes. I'm not going to hold a grudge against her. But I will. I will tell her listen, I cannot talk to you right now. We can't resolve this when you're in a heightened emotional state. Let's talk about this when you're calm, and she wants to continue and yelling and screaming at me. I'll just remove myself from the situation and I'll leave and she can blow my phone up. She can call me 17 times and do that whole histrionic thing. She can text me vile, vicious things. I just won't reply to it. I won't respond. I'll ignore her. She does not get attention for me when she's abusive. When she calms down and she starts to apologize, and she wants to talk like like, you know, a healthy couple would, then I'll go ahead and talk to her but I will expect an apology for sure. And she usually does and she knows that she's wrong and she's acting like that. Even if I'm at fault is still no excuse to act like that. You understand and I can take responsibility if I'm the one that triggered it, but I'm not going to take it personally, I'm just gonna, I'm just don't, I just don't want to reward that kind of behavior with attention. So basically with with women attention is, is reward and lack of attention is punishment. So if someone if a woman is disrespecting you in a relationship, you withdraw attention. If she's treating you really well, and doing things that you like, and investing in you, then you give her attention. You text her back and forth throughout the day, you give her validation, you try to make plans to meet up with her. But when she's disrespecting you, and it always comes because women tests right. That's why don't take this personally, I expect it to come at some point, there'll be little tests of dislike, I mean, not necessarily full blown disrespect, but little bits of it, she'll throw it a test to see if she can control me or, or see where I'm at, see if she can, like, push the envelope emotionally, right. And that's when I withdraw the attention. And that's something that assholes do very well, that nice guys, don't, nice guys, don't stick up for themselves. And in fact, sometimes when nice guys do stick up for themselves, they lose their shit. They get super emotional and angry, and scream at the woman or get upset. That's attention. Even if it's negative attention. It's still attention. So I digress. So having said that,
Unknown Speaker
let's make sure I got this. Sure. So what you're saying, I'm really curious about the the attention thing that you just said. So attention is reward for good behavior. If there if you're being disrespected, called names, you know, yelled at, put in positions that are not respectful for you, then you're you're saying that the attention gets, you know, I'll be back when you're calmer. But I'm not going to deal with you. Now. When she said, like, yeah,
Unknown Speaker
she's being like that being disrespectful. So what I'll say is, listen, or we can talk about this, but we will talk about this when you're calm, can you be calm? It gets all crazy stuff. Obviously, not all women do this. I don't want to paint a picture like all women are crazy like this. I would say that most women have their moments. If you if you act stupid and piss them off enough for sure. I'm very capable of visiting women off like accidentally, but not say all they do. But yeah, they're disrespectful. They don't want to have a rational discussion and be calm about it, then yes, you need to leave if they're being disrespectful. Yeah. I leave it. And I don't like to make it seem like I'm like, training a dog or something. I'll reward this behavior and punish this. But it's more like if somebody's you do this with anybody, not even just with women, if somebody's being kind to you, and that you're enjoying the relationship you have, yeah, you give them attention. You treat them with respect and act like a normal human being around them. You want to be kind to somebody who's being good to you. But if someone's not being good to you, you don't reward them with attention. You withdraw. Simple.
Unknown Speaker
I mean, I think we always teach people how to treat us.
Unknown Speaker
We do. Yes. You know,
Unknown Speaker
I mean, and I would imagine that, you know, we all get that thing of like, Oh, this one you're in and, and I think that's the hard part about like, what when you get into longer term relationships, it's like, you know, how do you get to be when when chips up? If you will, you know, so I'm so appreciate that. That kind of that part of the conversation. Now I want to go back to friends, women friends,
Unknown Speaker
okay, I know what you're talking about, especially in the men's dating space is a lot of guys out there that teach it's useless to be friends with women. I understand that perspective. I don't agree with it, but I understand it. And the reason why I understand it is because most guys not all guys but most guys particularly the nice guys that need to help become friends with women because they're trying to go the sneaky fucker route. It's called sneaky fucker game. Sneaky fucker game is where a guy pretends to be a woman waiting for the day that she finally lets them in. She he wants the guy she wants the girl. But he knows he can't sleep with her or get with her data. So what he has to do is try to be friends and slowly work his way in there. Some women even give that advice so be friends with her first I even had a female a female colleague of mine get that advice from and it's a stupid fucking advice. But if you don't be friends with a woman first. I mean sure. Maybe it works one out at 1000 times I've seen it happen. Yes, it can work, but it's not a strategy you should rely on Yeah, I've seen people win the lottery too.
Unknown Speaker
But that's somebody's friend. Let's let's just kind of waiting around in the you know, waiting around
Unknown Speaker
it. Yeah, but that's what that's the whole idea is like, I'll be friends with her first and then they're like, No, you don't go in. So whenever I'm becoming friends with a woman, if I'm going to be friends with her there, I completely get out of my mind that we're ever going to sleep together. And I will not be friends with a woman I'm very attracted to, if I'm mildly attracted to her, you know, whatever I can be friends with her, if I'm very attracted to her, I absolutely can't be friends with her. If I have any kind of feelings for her, I cannot be friends with her. So I do have hard boundaries on that. But like, you know, most women who I'm I'm mildly attracted to, I really could care less if I sleep with them or not. So if I'm going to be friends with them, I'm it's absolutely where I, I make the the accepting of it, that I'm never going to sleep with this woman ever, I get that out of my head. And just like with male friends, that the woman who I'm friends with has to provide some form of value to my life, whether that's really fun conversations. Or like, we go to parties together, she might help wing me, she might want to meet my friends, I could set her up with some of my friends, she just provide some form of value in my life, right? It's not going to be a one sided thing where I'm texting back and forth with a woman all day and I don't care about the conversation we're having, and I'm giving her dating advice, but I get nothing in return. Just like with a guy, there's got to be some value I get in return, I'm going to give value and they're going to give me value. That's what friendships are all about. So the reason why the guy say, Oh, don't ever become friends with women is useless. The reason why they said is because most guys get into relationships with these women that don't provide any value. There's lots of values that female friends can provide. Going to social events, having two female friends on your arms is gonna get you noticed by all the women at that party or event if you're walking around with a couple attractive women, right? The other thing is they have female friends. So if you like say for example, you go on a date with a woman and turns out she's not really attracted to you and you're mildly attracted or but you're finding friends her, then yeah, she'll throw house party, right? Or maybe she you know, you guys can go out together when she's inviting all of her female friends. Women who throw parties tend to have mostly women come to their parties, right. And when a guy is still in the party is usually going to be guys going apart. Having female friends gives you access to all of their female friends. There's lots of valued being friends with a woman. You could take her to a dance place where you can meet other women, you guys go dancing together, and then you two are dancing. You look really great when you're dancing. So you're like really good at dancing, right? And you go there, you show your show off your skills. Other women are gonna want to come up and dance with you because you're with a woman, right? And when you're with a woman that makes you look like you're not an Axe Murderer, you're safe to talk to. It provides certain of safety. You're pre selected by a woman so other women are going to want to talk to you. Yes, yeah, I'm a dancer. I dance salsa, swing a lot of flat music.
Unknown Speaker
Oh, nice. But it's actually one of the things I suggest to people is it's like, you want to meet people go dancing.
Unknown Speaker
I love it. I love dancing. Yeah. It's great, great exercise, and you don't have to drink.
Unknown Speaker
So what are you passionate about these days? What's what's? Yeah, what are you passionate about?
Unknown Speaker
I'm trying to create a lifestyle where I'm traveling like crazy. I want to travel all over the world and coach guys, and I'm thinking about doing like a vacation package where it's like an all expenses paid. Everything's already planned. And then over the weekend, we'd go out and go talk, talk to women and try to help the guy out. Right. So I'd really like to set something up like that. I mean, I'm already traveling like crazy. I'm hardly ever in Austin right now, which is where I live. But you know, I was in Munich, I was in Colombia. I was in Cancun. I'm going to Miami tomorrow. I'm gonna go to California in a couple of weeks. And I'm going to Scottsdale like, I just love it. I love traveling all over the place. It's wonderful.
Unknown Speaker
And it looks like you do some collaboration with folks, too.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, a modular majority of my business will still come from my Miami website. But a lot of my business comes from other folks in the industry, because there's very few people that are doing what I'm doing. I give a very male masculine perspective on dating advice for men, that most women can't teach because most women don't know what it's like to be a nice guy dating heterosexual women. You know, it's like, women can only give so much advice to guys to a certain point, like you can tell, you can talk about it from the perspective of the woman right? But it's still it's it's like trying to learn tennis from someone who's never played tennis in their entire life only had balls hit at them. You want to talk to the tennis player. If you want to learn how to hunt, you ask the hunter you don't ask you don't ask the deer, right? Like for a man dating is far harder than it is for a woman because there's because women are always looking for reasons to disqualify whereas men are always trying to read trying to find reasons to keep you around and women or men are generally ones that are the chase or the pursuers. We're the ones that have to show all these amazing things right? Which is why guys who can get a lot of women or look Up to where, whereas a woman who gets with a lot of guys is looked down on because it's much harder for a man to get a lot of women than it is for a woman to get a lot of men. So when you're getting advice from a woman, yeah, they have some valuable advice to get from the female perspective, but they can't teach pickup. They can't teach how to actually like approach, talk to escalate things, take it to a certain level, because they've never done it before. You're gonna stand. So I provide that in the whole matchmaker sphere that I belong to I coach all their clients is really nobody else is doing this stuff. It's very valuable stuff too, because these nice guys just get run over by the players, by the assholes get all the women.
Unknown Speaker
So speaking of which, do you have anything coming up that you want to that you want to let us know about?
Unknown Speaker
Well, I'm traveling to Miami. So I'm doing I'm doing infield stuff. I'm traveling to Miami in December. And then late December. I'm going to California I'll be in San Francisco, San Diego and LA. Then I'm going to Scottsdale to do an event. Right after January's over so like sometime in the beginning of January. So yeah, if anybody wants to reach out or work with me in person, I'm down to do it.
Unknown Speaker
Well, I'm boy, can you can you tell us about this event? Or is it secret?
Unknown Speaker
It's not a secret. It's just we haven't set it up yet. But we're going to meet at a cigar bar and we're going to talk about getting into dating for like the modern man, especially for all the guys that are recently divorced. And so yeah, we're gonna give Pete what's gonna be like a q&a session. We're gonna get together hang out talk shit talk guy stuff. And yeah, help help all the guys out.
Unknown Speaker
Got it. So um, and the best place to find you is
Unknown Speaker
best place to find me right now would be on my website matchmaking. miami.com my YouTube channel just got then. Unfortunately, I guess they don't like the things that I was saying. So that's that when you speak the truth, you get cancelled. And the other thing is, I am creating a new website. It's going to be called Better dating services.com It's not up yet, but that's going to be something I'm gonna promote a lot more I just keep matchmaking Miami site because, you know from Miami and Miami has a lot of prestige. It's like the Olympics of dating there. You can date in Miami, you can date anywhere. From what I gather in Miami. Miami is definitely the hardest place state but so is Las Vegas. Those are the two but I'd say Miami is far harder. And why is that? It's a very superficial city. very superficial city. If you want to find a relationship in Miami, best of luck to you. It's not that you can't it's it's very difficult. It's a transient city. Most people are not really from there. They go there and then they leave. It's a party city. Just like Vegas, right? It's a fun city. But if you're looking for some serious I mean, it's gonna be very difficult for you. Interesting, like the capital of Sugar Babies to
Unknown Speaker
moreso than Las Vegas. It's probably right up there. Hmm.
Unknown Speaker
Interesting. And gathered starts a whole nother topic.
Unknown Speaker
I know. It's crazy down there. It's a real jungle down there, man. That's why I like being in Austin. People here are much more healthy. They're a lot nicer over here. You know, people are much more kind and community oriented here. This is really good getting away from Miami and recovering from all the trauma from Miami.
Unknown Speaker
So getting towards the end of our conversation. If there's one thing that you want men to know about women, what would that be?
Unknown Speaker
Most advice that you've been told is wrong. I would also say I guess he only said one thing.
Unknown Speaker
Oh, can I say? Yes, you can say to you can even see three?
Unknown Speaker
Okay, I will definitely I want to say the second one. You also do not have to be abusive, to be a bad boy. You don't have to be an asshole to get women. You just don't want to be a nice guy.
Unknown Speaker
Got it? And then if there's one thing that you would like women to know about men, what might that be?
Unknown Speaker
There is a difference between a man wanting to sleep with you and a man wanting to put a ring on your finger. If you're getting a lot of attention from men online, you got 10s of 1000s of right swipes and lots of attention online that doesn't equate to the guy wanting to be in a relationship with you. It's very easy to make a guy want to sleep with you. It's a completely different thing if a guy wants to wipe you up. So if you're not getting that kind of if you're not getting the kind of guys you want to commit to you, then you need to learn girl game and they're actually Is girl game, there is a concept called Girl game guy game is getting to sex girl game is keeping a man around after sex getting him to commit. That's girl game.
Unknown Speaker
I see. Um, I don't know, my first thought about that is like, I just want them around once a week from you know, six to nine and then and then, you know. So
Unknown Speaker
that's funny, whatever you had to say you're a little bit different. I think most women in the sphere was looking for looking for dating advice, they tend to want a boyfriend on the boyfriend or husband.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, probably true. That's not what I'm after these days. That's fine. Exactly. But um, I thank you so very, very much. And then my last question is, if there's one thing you want somebody to walk away with here today, from our conversation, and I know we've gone through all sorts of different places and spaces. What might that be?
Unknown Speaker
Well, I hope that they can remember at least the guys who have been listening that charisma is a skill, you're not hopeless, you're not totally fucked. If you really, really put the effort in and put in the work, then you could get the results you want from dating, I'm not gonna lie to you, you're gonna have to put in some hard work and make a lot of sacrifices. This is not easy. If it was easy, every guy could get women, but it's not. So if you're not willing to put in the energy or put in the effort, you're not going to see the kind of results that you want. This is something that you really got to focus on. But you are not fucked. I work with all kinds of guys. I've worked with guys who are like five feet tall. I've worked with guys with Asperger's. I've worked with guys who are deaf. I've worked with dudes with a mental illness, many of whom saw success because they put the work in. Do you listen to what I tell you to do? And you apply yourself and practice you will get results.
Unknown Speaker
All right. You heard it from the the master the Miami matchmaker roster. Anyway, yeah, heard it from them. There you go. Please join us again for more conversations about sex about relationships, and how to make it all better. And if you've liked this conversation, please subscribe, like and leave a comment. There will be links in the show notes. And if you have questions, we have answers. On that note. I look forward to our next conversation. Thank you so much for joining us at the better sex podcast.
Unknown Speaker
Thank you,