The Spiritual and Creative Power of Sexual Energy with Lisa Rizzoli
In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with certified Tantra educator and level two teacher trainer, Lisa Rizzoli. Lisa shares profound insights into the integration of sexual energy with life force energy, and how it can be harnessed to manifest the life we desire. We delve into her journey into Tantra, starting at a transformative retreat at Esalen, and how her experiences shaped her current practices. Lisa introduces a daily meditation practice called "loving myself awake," and discusses how it brings more sensation and awareness into the body. We also explore the spiritual and creative power of sexual energy, as well as techniques like the Yoni egg practice and the "seven-layer transformation" method. Lisa's candid narrative about trusting intuition, overcoming resistance, and transforming trauma offers listeners an enriching perspective on deepening intimacy and enhancing relationships.
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In our commitment accessibility, help make this podcast more accessible to those who are hearing impaired or those who like to read rather than listen to podcasts. The transcription is far from perfect, and in some cases quite amusing. As we grow edited transcripts are on the list in the meantime please enjoy.
Deborah [00:00:41]:
All right, so starting one more time with a nice, clean start. Deep breath in. Hey, welcome to the Better Sex podcast. My name is Deborah Cat and I am your shameless host. This podcast is where we have unfiltered conversations about sex and relationship. So if you have little ears about, you might want to consider either putting on headsets or choosing to listen to this one. You've got a little bit more privacy. This show is about the many different ways and possibilities of sex and relationships, and it's here to help you figure out what works for you so you can have better sex and satisfying relationships on your terms.
Deborah [00:01:34]:
I truly believe that a sexy world creates a happier and a safer world. If you want to do your part in creating a safe and sexy world, please hit like subscribe and leave a comment. Today I am so excited to have my friend, my colleague, Lisa Rizzoli, as our guest today. She is the founder of Tantra Sacred loving and embark on a sacred journey. She is the administrator of Tantra Talk on Facebook, which is a hop in Facebook community. If you are interested in talking about all things relationship and tantra, that is the place to be. So Lisa holds a number of certifications as a tantric educator, a spiritual sexual educator, a divine feminine educator. She's a Reiki master, a teacher, a shaman practitioner, as well as having a bachelor's degree degree in education and a master's in anthropology.
Deborah [00:02:46]:
Lisa has just been. I'm so thrilled that Lisa has been part of my personal journey for, gosh, over, I was going to say over ten years, but I think it's closer to 15. So, yeah. So I am just so excited to have you here, Lisa. It's really thank you for joining me here on the Better Sex podcast and welcome.
Lisa [00:03:13]:
Yeah, thank you. Thank you so much. And I'm so happy to be with you as well. It's good to see you. God, aren't we just blessed with technology? It's so wonderful. Wherever we are in the world, we can always connect and drop right in. And it's beautiful. It's just a beautiful thing.
Deborah [00:03:30]:
Yes, it is. Thank you so much. I know a bit about your story, but I would love if you'd be willing to tell us about your journey into Tantra.
Lisa [00:03:43]:
Thank you. And I know we've shared a lot about my story, but I really was. It was an interesting journey because I've had this thing that I didn't understand for many, many years. I had a connection. I had all the things, knew there was spirituality in my life and all those things. But one day, and I was, I think, about 40 ish, and I. I had a friend who said, oh, my gosh, I want to go to the Esalen, you know, which is this great retreat center in California, right on the. Right on the coast.
Lisa [00:04:18]:
It's beautiful. They give amazing massages, an amazing room and all this. And she really wanted to go, and the only way that she knew that we could go was if we did a retreat. And so she picked the divine feminine retreat. And I said, okay, whatever. And I didn't read anything. I didn't do anything. I just said yes, right? Which is often what I do, I feel into my body, and I'm like, my body either says yes or no, and I go with that, which is also a very tantric experience.
Lisa [00:04:49]:
Right. But I didn't know those words at that time. Anyway, so I went to this retreat, and it ended up being a tantra retreat with Caroline Muir and Joan Hartfield. And so in that retreat, I was. It was a women's retreat. So I was just shocked by the things that they were talking about and shocked in the sense of, like, why didn't I know about this? Like, I'm 40 years old. I'm an educated woman. I know all these things.
Lisa [00:05:20]:
I've done anthropology, cultural anthropology. I don't know about this tantra thing. And so they were talking about, like, female sexuality and coming into, like, female ejaculation and the amrita and all of these things. And I was like, I have had this all my life and never had anybody to talk to about it. You know, my mom was really cool. She was really awesome, but she didn't know what she didn't know. And I was this precocious child that did all kinds of weird things, and she was just, go along with it, and she tried to help me find the solutions and things like that. Like, I remember when I first started bleeding, and my menstruation period was coming in, and I would go sit out on the lawn in the backyard and just bleed into the ground.
Lisa [00:06:07]:
And my mom was like, what are you doing? What are you doing? And I said, they told me to do this. This is what you're supposed to do. And she's like, who are they? You know? And this would happen a lot. Like, who are they? And I'm like, you know them like the angels. I don't know how to describe them. But we. She had a. She had a lot of friends that were named Native Americans, first generations, and she went to the elders, to the women, and she said, hey, my daughter's doing this thing.
Lisa [00:06:34]:
And they said, oh, that's really powerful. That's powerful medicine. We'll make her a bleeding blanket. So that's what they did. They made me a blanket. And my mom said, if you're going to do this, you need to be outside with a blanket around you and have this. That's what I did for a while, until I found out that the other kids weren't doing that. And I felt like, oh, I'm so weird.
Lisa [00:06:56]:
I'm always the weirdo who does these things. And at some point, I stopped doing it. And that's when I started having really bad cramps and really bad periods. And all of those things happened, and that lasted for a long time because I didn't. I wasn't connecting again. You know, I let that connection go, and. And I let those concerns about what other people thought of me enter in too much. And somewhere in probably my late twenties, I pick it back up, and miraculously, those cramps and those really bad periods kind of go away.
Lisa [00:07:34]:
And every time that I let that practice go, which you know how we are sometimes as humans, we get into a practice. We're really doing it, like doing yoga every day. It feels really good. And then I miss a day, and then I miss another day, and then I miss another day, and then pretty soon, I'm not doing it. But that's what happened. And so I let it go again. And then I had other things come up. But it's really interesting, because in this retreat, in the tantra retreat, the divine feminine, I really discovered that I wasn't so strange and that other people have these other people have these experiences.
Lisa [00:08:13]:
And so, I don't know, maybe day two in the retreat, I was like, this is what I want to do when I grow up. Mind you, I'm 40 something, early forties. And I went to Caroline, and I said, hey, I really want to do this. I want to do what you're doing. And she said, you know, come on, we're doing a training. We're doing this thing. And so I jumped on board, and I started with divine Feminine awakened Masculine Institute, and I went through their program, and about three quarters of the way through, Caroline said, you really need to meet Charles Muir, who was her former husband. And they're still very, you know, they're still very much friends, and they do all the things because that's what we learn in Tantra, right? Is that we don't have to create enemies with our exes.
Lisa [00:09:06]:
We get to remember that love is always here in our hearts. And so I went and I met Charles, and the minute I met him, he told me right off, we're going to teach together. It was like this really wild thing. I went to his workshop and he was across the room and I was over here and our eyes locked, and it was just like that homing device. And we came and he just looked at me and he said, we're going to teach together again. And like we did in the. In the ancient temples. And so there's a whole story around a past life with that, but that's another story for another time.
Lisa [00:09:46]:
But so I. I looked at him and I thought, hmm, I don't know about that. I don't know. But within a relatively short period of time, I did his coursework and became a certified tantra educator. And then the advanced certified tantra educator, and then the next level, whatever that one was. And I soon taught with him, and I taught with him for about ten years. So I was his level two teacher trainer. And so in level two, that was when the students got their certification.
Lisa [00:10:22]:
Yeah. Level one was more about a personal journey and getting you prepped for it. And then level two, actually was when you got your certified tantra educator. So I was his level two teacher trainer and worked with him for about ten ish years. And we're still really good friends, and we have a very good relationship that way. But I have let that go and moved on to some other things now. And as life does, involves and changes and shifts and weaving new things into my world. So, yeah, that was the beginning, and that's how it all started, in that wonderful world of what is Tantra? And learning just more skill sets around what I already knew intuitively.
Lisa [00:11:11]:
But now I could actually put words and I had vocabulary to add to it.
Deborah [00:11:16]:
Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. And I love, you know, I just want to point a couple things out. You know, the idea that, like, there were. That you already had this wisdom and that, like, the wisdom was running through your system, and it was something that was native to you and with you, without the words, it was hard to communicate what was happening for you. And so there was that place where essentially that other people came in and were like, oh, no, that's not the way we do things. And so it sounds like that shame piece comes in, it shuts you down, then you get reconnected with yourself.
Deborah [00:12:01]:
And it sounds like that reconnection made the wisdom, or allowed the wisdom to grow and become stronger. Would you say that's accurate?
Lisa [00:12:12]:
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it was always there, like you said, the wisdoms there. I think that sometimes when we're out in the world, though, like, that self doubt comes in, and that's just a human nature kind of thing. And that was one of the things that happened for me as the self doubt came in. And then I thought, well, I'm not like the other kids, and I want to be like the other people, and I can't do these things. But I was always that rebel, too. So, I mean, which is something that we often talk about with tantricas is that we are the rebels. We are the ones that are doing things differently.
Lisa [00:12:49]:
And, you know, I still around sexuality was very open in the sexuality realms and talked about it where other people didn't, you know? And so, because I was curious. I was so curious about, like, what is this like for other people? You know, how do other people experience this? And I always had those kinds of questions. So that just made it a natural progression into what we're doing in tantra and where we're at. And what I love about tantra is it really is a spiritual path where sex is just a component of it. But the beauty of it is that we include sex in our spirituality practices rather than excluding it and making it something that, you know, I mean, we're all here because somebody had sex. I mean, duh. You know, so why do we. Why are we so fearful of talking about it? I don't really understand those parts.
Lisa [00:13:47]:
And especially because also in our current culture, sex sells. I mean, we've been. We've known this for a long time. Sex sells. And yet we're, like, saying, oh, we can't do that sex thing. And it's got, you know, the mixed. Mixed messages and all the things that go with it. So why not just open the door and have these open discussions about sex and how sex can be spiritual and sacred?
Deborah [00:14:13]:
Absolutely. Amen to that. So you were just saying that, like, sex is part of Tantra, but there's so much more. And I'm curious if you could give what your definition of tantra would be.
Lisa [00:14:28]:
Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, tantra, a weaving, right? It's a weaving. And so what I look at with the weaving is that it's like, all these bits and pieces are ribbons that I've learned throughout my life. Like, I think about, you know, school and religion and all the different things. And so I take these little morsels and pieces of what resonates with me, and I make a. I make a tapestry. I weave it into this beautiful tapestry, which is what Tantra really is, and it shifts and changes.
Lisa [00:15:02]:
So it's not stagnant. It's a very fluid type of tapestry, if you will, where I can take this ribbon out because that one doesn't serve me anymore, and I can put this one in because this makes more sense. So as I continue on my journey, I learn new things all the time. I think that one of the things is, like, there's no such thing as, like, graduating from all of this, right? We can graduate, but it's never over. There's always more to learn. And so as I'm learning more things, I keep adding to this beautiful tapestry that I create that is my life. And I think of Tantra as that, you know, it's the path that I've chosen, and I get to choose the life that I want to live, which I often say, you know, one of my taglines is, like, I choose to live an orgasmic, blissful life beyond my wildest dreams because that's what I do. So that tapestry, that painting that I'm creating of my life, is in constant motion and shifting.
Lisa [00:16:01]:
And I believe that tantra is very much that way. You know, there's a whole schools of thought around. Classic tantra is different than neo tantra and all of these kinds of things. And I think that tantra is just tantra. It's a spiritual path. Sure, there's the. The book learned stuff, and there's the scriptures and the writings and the Vedas, and we can learn so much from all of that, but there's also. We have to look at, like, where are we in culture right now? Like, and in our particular culture in the US and this thing around sex, and, you know, it's been so pushed down and, you know, hidden in so many ways that I think it really needs to come out.
Lisa [00:16:45]:
It's ready to blossom and flow. And so when Tantra really started coming into the US, like, everybody was jumping, like, what? Sex and sacred spirit, spirituality and sex? What? And so it was a definite shift in the paradigms that we were understanding about spirituality. And I think that that's what pulls people in initially is the sexual components of tantra, which basically is just saying, be present in the moment, be present, and be present here and now. And so, as we're more present in our sexuality, doesn't it just make sense that it's more powerful and more yummy and juicy and all of those things. I mean, that's what we teach in basic. Like, when I'm teaching tantra in the beginning and teaching you about your sexual energy, your creative life force energy, and how to move that energy through your body so that you're having bigger and better experiences, whether you're in a male body or a female body, whatever it is, we can move this energy through and have these more expressive experiences and more. More sensations in the body than what we're just doing with the physicality of. And don't get me wrong, physicality of sex is really good.
Lisa [00:18:12]:
Yeah, I'm all about that. But what if there's more? And I think that that's one of the things that happened for me, is I knew intuitively that there is something more. And I think that's what I see with so many of my clients, is that they know that there's something more to sex, more to living than just this physical thing that we're doing. And so how can we open and expand?
Deborah [00:18:36]:
Thank you. Yeah, I want to. So you mentioned a little bit ago, you were talking about sexual energy and creative life force energy. And I think that's one of the pieces that Tantra really opened up my eyes to, was this idea that, yes, it's sexual energy. And what sexual energy is, is creation. As you said, we're all here because something or someone had sex. Some folks had sex at some point, and that's how we all got here. And so really using that, like, one of the most powerful experiences I've had, and one of the things that tantrus really brought into my life is this idea of being able to harness that creativity, being able to use it for.
Deborah [00:19:29]:
Yes. For pleasure, yes. For sex. Yes. For all of those things. And to, as you said earlier, have a better life. Have a life that is more expressed. And I'm curious if you could talk a little bit about that.
Lisa [00:19:44]:
Absolutely. Of course. Thanks for asking. And, yeah, you know, that's what I talk about. I talk about your sexual energy being your creative life force energy. And so it's the energy that we create life with, like, actual life. That's what we create a baby with. Right.
Lisa [00:19:59]:
But we don't always have sex to create babies. You know, I mean, I know that I'm not having sex to create babies anymore at my age and where I'm at in my life, I don't want to create any more children, but I want to create the life that I really want to live. And so I know that this is creative life force energy. And with that creativity, how can I open and expand more and have more of what I truly desire and want? And so one of the things that I've always been attracted to is traveling. And I've traveled. I think it's like 55 countries now. I expand in all of those ways because I use this energy to enhance my traveling experiences and to pull these things together and weave the picture in so that I can have more of these kinds of experiences, experiences. And I think that's one of the things that's really important with our sexuality and knowing that this energy is really powerful.
Lisa [00:21:00]:
And when we use it and we learn how to, you know, a lot of people say, harness the energy. I don't know if I want to use harness. That feels a little. I don't know. We're going to use the energy in a way that is, like, mindful and conscious, you know? So when I talk about manifesting, people talk about manifesting a lot. It's kind of buzzy out there right now. Manifest this. Manifest that.
Lisa [00:21:24]:
But it really is, like, the secret. The secret doesn't tell you the secret, because I think the secret part is using your sexual energy. You create this thing, like, whatever it is that you want and desire, and we do all of the programming with it. I mean, it's much more than just going, I want a red car. It's like, how will I feel when I have the red car? What will I be wearing? What does it look like when I'm driving it? Adding all of those sensations in. Because, again, we're in this human body that we have all these senses. So activate those senses. Add that into your manifestation process, and then add that creative life force energy.
Lisa [00:22:07]:
Get that juice flowing. And then that's when we're in that orgasmic bliss that I bring in mind. This is what I want. I want that red car. And I'm using red car just as an example, but I want that red car. And I want to feel like I think about my convertible, red car. And I know, Deborah, you saw my convertible at one point. I don't have that car anymore.
Lisa [00:22:30]:
But when, like, my hair blowing through the wind as I'm driving over that mountain road and having that experience and I'm creating this life that I truly want to live. And so that doesn't mean that I just put that out there like that. It also means that I take the steps that it takes to get where I want to go. And that is what manifesting really is. About is creating this pathway to get. To have the access to what your result, the results that you truly desire. And so that's part of this whole process around sex magic. You know, we talk about sex magic and using our sexual energy to create the life that we truly desire.
Deborah [00:23:17]:
Beautiful. Thank you. Yeah. And I just want to come back and sort of, you know, so the steps, if you were where you've got this idea or this thing that you want, and then you start to actually breathe life into it and use your senses to experience, you know, what it would be like to have that thing. And I would even add in there, who do I have to be to have that thing? And as your energy is moving, as you're starting to create, you know, the dish, and, you know, as that energy is rising, you're starting to, like, what is it? What does it feel like? What does it, you know, so going through the actual sensory experience and as you said, taking the steps, like who, you know, what do I need to do to actually make this happen? Like, what are the practice? So I love that description because it has both the, you know, the embodied experience of the feelings of the senses, and it also has the peace around, like, well, what do I need to do? What are the steps? Where is the pathway going? And so, you know, I think sometimes we get. Well, I should say I know that, you know, I've certainly done the rituals and then been a little disappointed because it didn't show up the way I thought it would. However, if I'm open to stepping back and allowing a bigger view, you know, I always end up with something that is, you know, that feeling, that thought, that experience. Experience when I'm using that creative energy and when I've got a really solid, like, yes, this is.
Deborah [00:25:03]:
This is the direction I'm going. You know, for me, anyway, it's less about having the outcome, but more about being in the. In the direction that I'm. That I'm going. So I haven't actually manifested the red convertible, but I've certainly manifested an amazing life.
Lisa [00:25:24]:
Yeah. Yeah. And, I mean, the other piece of that is really looking at resistance, too. Like, you know, this is part of what we don't talk about. Or, I mean, what a lot of people don't talk about is that when you have a desire, if it's the red convertible car again, you know, use that as our example. Why don't I have it? Like, what is my resistance? What has kept me back from doing it? And you can list off all those things. It's money, it's insurance, it's blah, blah, blah. It's.
Lisa [00:25:56]:
I haven't gone to the car dealership to look for it. You know, I mean, all of those things list off all those resistance points because that's going to help you also see what steps you need to take to get what you want to get. And so if you are in heavy resistance to what you say you want, that's going to be a deterrent, you know, and we don't always look at that. I think that, you know, not very many people, when they're talking about manifestation, talk about the resistance points. And I think that that's a really critical part. Like, why don't I have this thing? What is it that I'm doing or not doing that keeps me from having. From living the life that I truly want to live? And being really radically honest with yourself about that is going to help you get, to get where you want to go. I mean, that's the basics of manifesting is like, look at what you really want.
Lisa [00:26:55]:
How is it going to feel when you have that? And what is holding you back from doing it right now?
Deborah [00:27:00]:
Right. And, you know, there's an allowing for the idea that there might actually be wisdom across the board. Right. Like, you know, I mean, I. Yeah, there's. I love the idea of looking into the resistance and really seeing, you know, what is my reality here. And I think we often hear resistance as a negative. But one of the things that I love about Tantra is that it doesn't have.
Deborah [00:27:33]:
It's less about something being right and wrong and more about being something. Like, you can't argue with reality. This is what's going on here. So is it right? Is it wrong? Mmm. It's not as important as what is actually happening in the moment.
Lisa [00:27:52]:
Yeah. So think about that car. I mean, my resistance point also could be, hey, if I had a red convertible sports car, there's a good probability that I'm going to get tickets. I have a fear of getting tickets or fear of an accident or fear of whatever. And actually looking at those things helps us to develop ways around those things, like releasing that resistance. Well, I don't have to get tickets. I don't have to speed, you know, I mean, those. And just having those conversations with ourselves really does help to expand in.
Lisa [00:28:28]:
In all the ways. And then add that sexual energy. Add that sexual energy to all of it, and it just makes it more alive because creative life force energy is more alive.
Deborah [00:28:44]:
Right. Absolutely. So I want to, knowing a little bit more of your story I want to come back to, you know, you were talking about using sexual energy, you know, not wanting to use it to have. To have children at this particular .1 of the things that I really appreciate about your story and love to. You know, I've always heard about orgasmic birthday, but you were, like, the first person that I actually knew in the flesh who was like, yes, I've had that experience, and this is what it is. And I'm wondering if you could talk a little bit about orgasmic birth and your experience with that.
Lisa [00:29:20]:
Yeah. Yeah. So my first child was. I was 19 when I had her, and she used to hate it when I told the story, but she's gotten over that now, so she's a little more open to it. My mom. Shush. Be quiet. Don't tell that story.
Lisa [00:29:38]:
But so I was 19. And again, I didn't know about Tantra. I didn't know about these things. But when I went into labor, the pains were. I mean, they're intense. And don't get me wrong, labor pains are intense. And what they were teaching me, like, I had done the birthing classes and the breath work and all that. And what I found for myself was that breath didn't work for me, the breath that they wanted me to do, and I can't even tell you what it was because I don't remember now, but that particular breath wasn't helping me with the contractions.
Lisa [00:30:13]:
It felt like I was going against the contraction instead of with it. And everything in my body, like that inner knowing again, that wisdom that shines through, told me, no, do your own breath. And so I started doing my own breath, which was basically now a breath that moves energy through the body and helps me to work with that contraction. So that's what I started doing. And when I did that, it actually transmuted the pain into more pleasure. And so as a contraction was coming and the baby's moving and I'm breathing and I'm using. Well, I'm using my pelvic floor, which, you know, again, I teach all these. These in my Yoni egg classes, is how to use those muscles in a more productive way.
Lisa [00:31:06]:
Most people are squeeze, squeeze, squeeze. But we also know that these muscles need to learn how to relax, and we have to teach them to relax as well as push. And so that was what was critically important in birthing. Right? And so I started doing the practice that I knew intuitively. No one taught me. I just knew to do it like this. And so they were telling me, you know, I mean, this again, this is my daughter's almost 40. She'll be 40 this year.
Lisa [00:31:37]:
And so I was in the labor room, and then they move you to the delivery room. And so I was in the labor room. All of this stuff was happening, and I was just doing my own breath. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. That moment came when I had. When I had the sensation to push. And they were. The nurses were right there, and they're like, wait.
Lisa [00:31:59]:
And I'm like, what do you mean, wait? No, you don't understand. I can't wait. And they were rushing me down the hallway, and so I was using the breath again to slightly push, and I knew I couldn't really push because they. I wasn't there yet. I wasn't in the living room. The doctor wasn't there. All the things. And so as soon as they got me in delivery, he was scrubbing and putting his thing on, you know, the gown and all the stuff.
Lisa [00:32:27]:
And they said, okay, now you can push. And within one push, she was crowning. And there was. There was this sensation as she came through the cervix that was, like the most orgasmic energy ever. It was like one of the most powerful orgasms I've ever had. And again, I moved that energy through my body. These channels opened up, and they. I just kind of remember them going, wait, he's not here yet.
Lisa [00:32:56]:
He's running in. Not completely scrubbed up or not with a gown. Wasn't completely on him. And here's this baby being presented. And then he's like, hold on, hold on. Because he. Her shoulder was lodged inside in a way. And he's like, wait, wait, wait.
Lisa [00:33:14]:
And then he moved her shoulder, and then he said, okay, you can push. And that next push was like, again, another huge wave of orgasmic bliss as she entered into the world. And it was profound. It was absolutely profound. Because when also the thing that was really special about it was that I was sitting more upward. I mean, I just brought my body up into more of a squatty kind of position. And I could see her face and her eyes, and my eyes met. And, you know, they say that babies can't see, but this baby could see.
Lisa [00:33:51]:
And we had that moment of eye contact that we often talk about in tantric practices, of coming into that deeper eye contact. And we knew each other instantly. And it was. It was so profound. And he was adjusting her shoulder while this was all was happening. So it's a matter of seconds. It was really quick. And then when her body came through again, another wave of this huge orgasmic bliss that just brought her into the world.
Lisa [00:34:18]:
And it was profound. It was just a beautiful thing. I remember, again, remember, I'm 19. So my husband at that time looks at me and goes, oh, my God, you're coming? And I said, shh, shh. Don't. Don't tell the doctor because that's weird, but it's not weird. And had I known what I know now, I wouldn't be like that. But it was just such a beautiful experience.
Lisa [00:34:47]:
And with that orgasmic energy, I think it also added all of those brain chemicals. And the oxytocin that I had with this child was so full. I mean, and oxytocin is something that, you know, it's brain chemical that I actually can taste and I can smell it. And it was powerful in that room. And when they handed me her, handed her to me, it was like, oh, this baby, you know, the love. The love just was so intense. And I I really wouldn't let them take her to clean her up or anything like that. I'm like, no, she needs to stay with me.
Lisa [00:35:27]:
And she did for a while. So it was a very profound experience and orgasmic, blissful experience that brought in my beautiful daughter that is doing amazing things in the world today.
Deborah [00:35:41]:
Yes, she is. Yes, she is. Thank you for that amazing daughter, and I love that. Again, this is something that you listen to your intuition, you listen to your body, and, you know, it's funny to take a moment and just remember all of the ways in which birth used to be. Like, at one point, it used to be at home, and then it got moved to the hospital, and you had one room for this and one room for that, and a very structured way of doing it. And, you know, I mean, even the fact that you were sitting up is, you know, definitely not what the protocol was at the time. So.
Lisa [00:36:29]:
And they were trying to get me to lay back, and I was like, you're nuts. I'm not laying back. That doesn't make any sense to me at all. You know, and being the rebellious person that I am, I was able to fight that, you know? And I remember the nurse, there was one nurse that was really upset with me because I wasn't doing the right breath. And I was like, I'm doing the right breath for me and for this baby. And so just knowing that and knowing that we get to be that, you know, really feel into the body, like, what is the body asking you to do in this moment? And that was more important to me than what they were telling me, I'm like, you're not having this experience. I am. And so, and I don't care that you have been at several births.
Lisa [00:37:17]:
I know what my body needs. And so when we really listen to that wisdom, that inner wisdom, and we know, we just know.
Deborah [00:37:26]:
Yeah. And, I mean, that is a big part of your. Of your work, as I understand it, is helping people specifically, you know, women come back to their own intuition, to come back to their own sensuality and to their. To their ownership of their own pleasure and their own bodies. And I'm wondering if you could talk a little bit about the work you're doing these days.
Lisa [00:37:50]:
Yeah, well, there's a lot. There's a lot of different things that I'm doing out there in the world. But I do love the Yoni egg practice that I do with women and just showing them a way to activate those, the pelvic floor, to enhance their experiences in their yoni, you know, in the vulva, and being able to access those pleasure points in a different way than what they're used to doing. And so that's. That's. That's like, one of the cruxes is that, like, I really love the Yoni egg practice. And so I share that a lot with, with women, and we come into that space. So I have that program.
Lisa [00:38:33]:
I have a program for men that is bigger and bolder orgasms for men, where they are really learning how to separate ejaculation from orgasm so that they're having bigger and better experiences. They're having multiple orgasms as well as that full body orgasm, and then using that energy again, learning to move the energy through the body so that they're using it to create the life they truly want to live and how that becomes spiritual. You know, how we connect with spirit and we go out into the ethers and into the collective consciousness to have these more profound experiences that go beyond that. Take sex beyond physicality and into the energetics and the spiritual realms of what is possible. So that's another course that I do. And then. And now I'm doing this other course called wild, which is wild. And it's primarily for women, but couples as well.
Lisa [00:39:35]:
But mostly I'm working with the women and teaching them how to share this with their spouses or their partners and have. Have that experience as well. It starts within. So they're getting all of the different kinds of practices that we do in tantra, you know, and having different, different connective. Different ways to be connected to your partner, different ways to be connected with yourself and different ways to really enhance your own spiritual journey and coming into this place of, like, what is transformation? Because I really do have a strong, you know, and I know how this goes in Tantra land, but I really do believe that a lot of practices that are out there, especially around trauma, are not actually helping with releasing trauma and transforming it. They actually anchor it. The more we talk about that trauma, the body doesn't really know the difference between it happening now and whether it happened six months ago or whatever. So are we anchoring that trauma, or are we actually getting tools to transform and transmute that.
Lisa [00:40:52]:
That trauma? And know that every step that you've taken on this journey has brought you to here. So where I am right now is a really beautiful place. And I get to be grateful for all the steps that have. That have happened along the way, including the ones that we may say are not so nice. But it comes back to that duality. And in Tantra, we were really looking at non duality. It's not good or bad. It serves in one way and limits in another.
Lisa [00:41:23]:
But can we look at the serve? I mean, look at. Can I be grateful for, you know, the divorces? Can I be grateful for the. I mean, I have had rape has been in my. In my journey, on my journey. And can I be grateful for that? It's not really grateful for the fact that the rape happened, but as a result of that and where I am, I've learned how to work with women who have had the similar experiences, and I've learned how to transmute that energy and not be. Not talk. I'm a victim for a moment. I'm a victim when I'm in it.
Lisa [00:42:01]:
And I don't even like survivor because it implies victimhood. And so these are some of the things that I really work with around the trauma. I don't really. I'm not a big trauma processor. I'm a trauma transmuter. Okay. Trauma happens. It really does.
Lisa [00:42:20]:
But, like, let's look at other people, and, like, this person was raped, and this person was raped. This person goes on with their life, and this person holds on to that, that rape, and then they let them. They let that define them. And I'm not a person that does that. So for me, I'm really helping people get through their stuff, but I don't do a lot of trauma processing, like I see in so many different modalities.
Deborah [00:42:50]:
So just to be clear, it sounds like what you're saying is instead of doing the talk and the re, you know, continuing to talk about it, which, as you mentioned, can also start to really anchor that in what you're using is other tools, maybe movement, maybe breath, maybe sound, which are the sort of big three in tantra, but moving that experience, transmuting or transforming that and then releasing the trigger piece. Is that accurate?
Lisa [00:43:26]:
Yeah, that is fairly accurate. And it's like knowing that, yes, this thing happened to me. Right. It doesn't define me. And what did I learn from it, you know, because there's. There's. There's gifts. I truly believe there's gifts in everything.
Lisa [00:43:46]:
And if we look at it from the soul level, knowing that I entered this body to have a certain experience, and that may have been one of the things that I chose to have that experience for whatever reason. And maybe I made a full contract with the perpetrator, and we came together to do this thing so that we could have an experience and then transmute it and bring it into the collective consciousness of, like, if this happened to you, you know, again, I'm not saying that it's not a trauma. I understand that it is. I understand all of that. I have a lot of compassion and empathy for that. But I also believe that a lot of times, people are anchored in, continue to anchor it into their bodies, and that is. And maybe that is the journey that they're choosing to be on. And that, again, who am I to judge that, you know, if that's the journey that they're on, that's the journey that they're on.
Lisa [00:44:46]:
But I work with people who want to do something different and come out of that space.
Deborah [00:44:52]:
Got it. So that's. And so moving that moving into the next phase is the place where you're really working versus. So I'm imagining that there is a place where for you and for your clients, there is a bigger space in terms of the creative place, in terms of the manifestation place, in terms of looking for, you know, how does this enhance my relationships?
Lisa [00:45:26]:
Yeah, exactly. And, I mean, when we can look at it like that, like, I think about, you know, one of the questions that I asked when I was dating is now I'm in a. I'm in a. I'm in a real relationship. They're all real relationships. This one is just different. But, you know, where when I was dating, that was a question that I always asked is, like, how do you feel about your ex? Where are you with that? Because people who are holding a lot of anger and hostility towards their exes probably aren't going to fit well with me. Probably not.
Lisa [00:46:01]:
We're probably going to have some issues around that, because I truly do believe, like, once you get. I mean, sure, there's hurt and anger and pain and all those. Feel the feelings. It's so important to feel your feelings. That's why they're there. Feel the feelings. And then what, what do you do afterwards? And remember that, like, when I think about my exes and my, my one ex is, he's a really bad guy. I mean, he did some really, really terrible things, but I loved him.
Lisa [00:46:29]:
And so that love exists within my heart, and that love is always going to be there. Because I do truly believe that love never dies. There's a song by the fray, love done, love don't die. And I love that song because it's really my philosophy in this is that, you know, I came into this place to have more love, and I can love that person. It doesn't mean I want to be with them. It means that I recognize that there was a time that we had this deep, intense love and all the beautiful things that came out of that. And maybe not so many beautiful, maybe some not so beautiful things, and that's okay, too. But let's move into this other realm.
Lisa [00:47:14]:
Because when I hold hatred or anger, resentment, all of those things, the only person it really hurts is me. That's the only person it really hurts. And so I don't want to be in that place. I mean, I had those experiences. They brought me to here, and now let's move forward.
Deborah [00:47:33]:
Yeah. And I think, you know, again, it's a real cultural construct that we shouldn't have contact. We shouldn't. Like, we shouldn't love that. You know, once, you know, we've. We've. If a relationship doesn't work out for always and ever, then, you know, it was. It was a bad relationship, and the people in it were, you know, bad people are broken.
Deborah [00:47:58]:
And that is so not my. Definitely not the way I think about it. And it doesn't sound like it's the way you think about it either. You know, we have this practice, you know, one of the tantric practices through that we've been playing with is that like, no. Can we actually bless our exes? Can we actually bless everything that's come before and that's brought me to this place? Because, as you said, you know, there were lessons that I learned from this person. You know, maybe, maybe. And one of the things I've really been noticing lately, and I'd be curious to hear what you think about this, is, it's like, you know, we have this idea that learning and that all these things are a linear process, right? But it's not. It's like we open and, you know, with every expansion, there's contraction, whether it's a big contraction or little contraction.
Deborah [00:48:58]:
But it's like, you know, there's. We're in flux, or at least I believe, or I see us as all being in flux. It's like a little bit of expansion, little contraction, you know? And do we contract all the way back times? I mean, you know, sometimes we hit that thing that just sends us right back into our childhood patterns and, you know, back into the covers. And, as you said, feel the feelings. Stay under the covers as long as you need to.
Lisa [00:49:27]:
Right.
Deborah [00:49:28]:
I also feel like we have a lot in this. In this, you know, there's a lot of shame around being in the down, and there's a lot of wisdom in the down. You know, there's a lot of wisdom in being able to, like, slow down, take some time to be under the covers, take some time to feel, take some time to, like, oh, wow, it's. It's in my heart space or it's in my belly, which tells me it's about power or it's in my throat, which means it's about communication or whatever. But actually being able to harvest these, the wisdom that is available through the body is one of the things that I really got out of tantra.
Lisa [00:50:12]:
Yeah, I think it's a beautiful practice of being more aware and bringing your conscious awareness to what is really going on. And my daughter has developed this thing called. This method that is called the seven layer transformation, which her and I, you know, she. She's actually brought it to my awareness. And so I've been doing this with her for, like, four years now. And we're teaching it on this level with the tantric approach as well, of breathing in and really accessing those feelings, like, feel those feelings. Like, what is anger? Where does anger reside in your body? What color is it? And we can go deeper and deeper with it. And then, you know, what is the message that it's telling you? Because every emotion has a message for you.
Lisa [00:51:02]:
So when we can access that and step into that message, then we can actually bring it to neutral. And from neutral, that's where we transform it. You know, I think about shifting a car, right? If you're going first, you got to go to neutral to get to second. This is a manual car. Obviously, it's not an automatic, but a manual car you're in first. You have to shift to second or shift to second, but you go through neutral and for that transformation to happen. And that's exactly what this process is about. So this is another piece of wild that I teach is Nicole's seven layer transformation, and that is also in the wild program.
Lisa [00:51:45]:
So people are having amazing results from doing these practices and having just more experience in their body, more awareness of those experiences in their body.
Deborah [00:52:00]:
Beautiful. I'm so excited for this program. But so first I'm going to ask you, well, I should say in a minute, I'm going to ask you, what if there's a technique or something that people listening to this, when they get off the call, can jump right in and start using? But I just want to take a moment and tell people how they can support the better sex podcast. So, you know, if you've been listening to me at all, if you've been listening to the podcast for any number of times, and this conversation is a perfect example, sex is a complex subject and it can make or break a relationship. And unfortunately, most of us don't grow up in an environment we're talking about. Sex is welcome. And that's why I have created the relationship lab. It's a place where we come together, we learn and we practice, we have experiments, just like scientists, just like a lab.
Deborah [00:53:09]:
So if this is something that you're interested in, if you're ready for tools, tips, exercises, so that you can learn more and have the have better sex and a satisfying relationship, please check it out. There is a link in the show notes because life is too short for bad sex.
Lisa [00:53:32]:
Oh, I love that.
Deborah [00:53:35]:
Thank you. So what would be one of the, you know, what would be one suggestion you would make for people or a tip that they can jump right in?
Lisa [00:53:46]:
Well, one of the things when I'm working with people in the very beginning is I really believe that a daily meditation practice is paramount to your spiritual journey. And so what I've created is the loving myself awake meditation, which I love it.
Deborah [00:54:04]:
I do, too.
Lisa [00:54:06]:
I have developed this over the years. And again, this is a perfect example of tantra and weaving because I first got it introduced to something of this nature when I was like in 7th grade french class. Our teacher sent the boys off to the library and kept the girls there, and we did this type of meditation. It wasn't exactly what this is, because I've also added pieces of what I learned from Charles and in tantra land and other pieces and bits and pieces that I've learned around meditation, but it was a meditation practice that brought more awareness to your body in the 7th grade. And so that's a long time ago. A long, long time ago. But it's just always been a part of my journey because it was so profound. Again, a very profound practice.
Lisa [00:55:00]:
So now I've incorporated some other pieces, some taoist stuff, some tantra stuff, some spiritual stuff, some energy movement. And so I highly recommend doing this practice on a daily basis and listening. There's a complimentary audio version of it on www.letstalktantra.com, and you can find it. Find it there. That audio I recommend doing for at least 30 days to build your foundation. Once you have your foundation, then start adding your own flavors to it. Get those ribbons, weave in what works for you so that you're creating your own version of it. That's vitally important as well.
Lisa [00:55:42]:
And I really do believe that that's how things evolve. It's like, it's not always. It doesn't always have to look just like this. It gets to look like this. And everyone has their own individual practice and their own individuality that steps in and what makes them love their self, love themselves awake even more. And that's. That is one of my chemo's favorite practices that I do. And I'm really good about doing it every day, most of the time, because, like anything, sometimes it slips away from even me, who's been doing it for many, many years.
Lisa [00:56:22]:
And that's okay. When I recognize, oh, I didn't do them. I practiced today.
Deborah [00:56:27]:
Huh.
Lisa [00:56:28]:
I can just stop and do it, you know, do it. I can do it now if I want to. And it is just really bringing more awareness into the body.
Deborah [00:56:38]:
Yeah. So that'll be in the show notes and just to give you a little teaser, it is. Would you let me make sure I get this right? So it's pretty much going through the whole body part by part, and essentially saying, good morning and I love you.
Lisa [00:56:58]:
Basically. That is what it is. It's an awakening of those nerve endings and bringing more sensation and awareness into your body. It takes about 20 to 30 minutes with the audio. Yeah. And it's super sweet.
Deborah [00:57:10]:
Beautiful. Well, thank you so much. I am so excited to have you here, to have you share wisdom, to have you share your meditation, which I personally love with my audience. And so do you want to just tell us? I mean, everything will be in the show notes, but if you want to just give us. The best way to reach you is.
Lisa [00:57:36]:
You know, right now, I think the best way to reach me is Facebook, because that seems to be the platform that's really talking loud right now. And my Facebook group is called Tantra Talk. Join. Come join it. I welcome you into the group and just join me over there. And if you have questions, just shoot me a DM and we can always have a conversation about any of this beautiful.
Deborah [00:58:00]:
And I just want to say, you know, Tantra talk, it's a great group. There are questions, there are Facebook lives, there are full moon ceremonies, there are. It's just a really lively, fun place to be and to get to talk about spirituality, to talk about sexuality, to talk about all things relationship. And you do an amazing job of moderating and really, you know, morning or prompts from time to time. It's a really fun and active group. So I highly, highly recommend it's on Facebook and it is called Tantra Talk.
Lisa [00:58:40]:
Yes. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thanks for being a part of it and adding your flavor into too, because that's what makes it so great, is that when people are really active in there and getting involved in the conversations, posting their questions or comments or ideas in the moment, it's a powerful way for us to really connect. So, yeah, thank you.
Deborah [00:59:02]:
Absolutely. My pleasure. Again, my guest, Lisa Rizzoli. She is an amazing and just really beautiful spirit. And I'm so, so happy to have you here on the Better Sex podcast. And for those of you who are listening, if you know somebody who would benefit from this conversation, any of the many things that we talked about, orgasmic birth, you know, following your intuition, knowing what is right for you, any of these things things, please pass it on. Also, if you would be so kind as to comment, like subscribe, leave a comment. It really helps us get out so that more people can get really good information about sex and meet some awesome people.
Deborah [00:59:57]:
So again, thank you so much and have a great rest of your day. See you on the next or see you on the next call.